Misprinted Lies (Alice in Chains/Bruno Mars)

Hide the Pain Inside

Later that day, we went back to my house to so my sister wouldn't have to take care of Geronimo anymore. It was nice being home. Those two weeks took forever.

"Night Lil. Love you," I said, turning off the light.

"Love you too," she yawned.

I couldn't fall asleep. When I finally got close to drifting off, I heard her. Lily was tossing and turning. The bed was shaking. I sat up, tiredly swiping my hands through my hair. I just stared at her. Her moaning and pains eventually woke her up. She sat up and squinted at me.

"Did I wake you up? I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I said as I gently rubbed her back.

"I'm gonna sleep on the couch," she said, wrapping a smaller blanket around her. She tried to get up but I grabbed her arm.

"No you're not. C'mere."

"Bruno let me go," she said weakly.

"Baby you're not sleeping on the couch." I pulled her into me even though she still resisted.

She settled down after a while until another burst of pain hit her. I pulled her on top of me, and rested my arm over her. She whined and cried. No matter how hard I held her, I wasn't going to take her pain away.

I felt drops on my chest. Lily got so restless she started to shake.

"Shhh," I whispered into her ear.

Her cries got a little louder. Pushing herself off of me, she muttered, "gonna...go...to...the...couch."

"N-n-n-n-no," I pleaded, pulling her back on top of me.

I wrapped my arm around her and grabbed her hand, holding her tight once again.

"Ow," she cried softly. "It hurts."

"I know, sweetheart."

Her hands rested around me.

I'd wished she would hold on a little tighter. I'd wished she'd cry on my chest. Lily got up, but I let her go. I followed her and stopped at the doorway. She walked a couple of steps with the blanket dragging on the floor.

"Lil, wait," I said, walking toward her. She froze in place for second, until she faced me. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her head.

Crying just a little bit more, she said, "I really just wanna sleep by myself."

"That's...that's fine. I love you. Good night."

"Night," she replied quietly.

I left the bedroom door open and sat on the bed. I sat on her side and scratched my head in extreme frustration. I tried to go to sleep but couldn't. The birds started to sing. I stared at the door, hoping she'd come back in, even if it kept me up; I wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway.

The next morning I went down to the living room. She was sitting up on the couch. I sat beside her and looked into her sad, bloodshot eyes.

"Morning beautiful," I smiled.

She got up, and headed for the cabinet with her pills. She was a zombie. Her hair was all over the place; she looked exhausted. But still, I couldn't keep my eyes off her.

She got a tall glass of water. I hated watching her take all those pills. She must take 20 pills a day. Once she took all of them, she closed the bottles. She just stood there, leaning over the counter. I put my hand on my chest and scrunched up my shirt. The air was stiff and I felt uneasy.

Lily grabbed the pill bottle again. I was really confused, and shocked. She poured the rest of the bottle onto her shaking hand. I snuck up behind her and grabbed her arm.

"Stop," I whispered into her ear.

"No," she whined.

"Lil, please don't do it. This isn't the answer."

"Then what is?" she sobbed. "Tell me, Bruno...because I don't have an answer...and I don't know what to do anymore."

She closed her hand and the pills filtered out and onto the counter. She cried.

"Come here," I said, holding her tight against my chest.

She was hyperventilating. "I'm tired of this Bruno. I'm so tired."

"Tell ya what. Go up to Seattle. I'll go with you and we'll figure this out."

She looked up with me eyes like pools of water. I held her face in my hands.

"I don't know, Bru."

"Pleeeease," I begged. "I was there with you years ago when they told you you should go up to Seattle."

"Bruno," she sniffed. "I'm tired of going to the fucking hospital. Besides, I already went up there...and nothing is different."

"And I'm tired of watching you hurt, girl. Let's go. I'm done with the TV stuff and everything for a little bit. It's time, Lily. We won't come back until you're better. You don't have to hide anymore. I know you're always hurting even though you pretend that you're not and it needs to stop. You don't deserve to live this way."

She'd become so damaged that doesn't know how to accept what she deserves. It's frustrating that I always had to prove that to her.

She took a deep breath. "Okay, fine. Maybe you're right."

_____________________________________________________

I really didn't want to go. He was totally right though. Last time when he told me to go up to Seattle and take care of myself, I didn't. I came back prematurely. Dr. Chase begged me to stay up there.

"What if," he said, thinking for a bit. "What if we drove up? You, me, and the road. We wouldn't get seen at the airport...or any of that."

"That sounds kinda fun."

"Good cuz I'm making you," he said scooping me up and carrying me to the couch.

"Hey!" I screamed playfully.

He was laughing. He was so excited.

"I said I was going. You're not making me. I wanna go."

"Good," he said, kissing me on the lips. "Things are gonna get so much better...for you...and I can't wait."