Misprinted Lies (Alice in Chains/Bruno Mars)

Reassurance

I came back a couple of weeks later to Patriot and Ryan was working on a track with Bruno.

"Look who's baaaack," Bruno said smiling and hugging me for a long time.

"Oh thank God," Ryan sighed.

"So what's the deal? You're all better now?" Bruno asked.

I paused for a second. "Yeah, yeah. They put me on steroids."

"Are ya gonna get jacked now?" Bruno asked, flexing his arms.

"I'm hoping something magical happens and I start growing tall and not wide."

"Oh come on," Ryan said. "You could totally put on a couple of pounds."

"Yeah," Bruno said. "Seriously. Plus, I like that you're short. It makes me look taller."

"Ha. HA," I mocked.

I blanked out for a second. I had to get used to staring at a computer screen again. Being gone for a couple of weeks totally set me back. I went into a tough grind for a while.

"Mars to Staley...come in...come in," I heard Bruno say. He cupped his hands up to his mouth so his voice was muffled.

"Sorry, sorry. What?"

Bruno just laughed. "You're good at gifts. I need help with Jess's birthday present."

I smirked a little. "She's your girlfriend. Shouldn't you be figuring it out?"

"Awww come on, please? I need to do more than just dinner and flowers and that kind of stuff. She's turning 30."

"Yeah you're right you'd probably screw up," I said playfully.

He lightly hit me in the arm. "Hey!"

I paused. "Jess...Jess...get her something special...like an inside joke or something like that. That's all I'm giving you. You're creative. You can figure it out. Your gifts to me are always good."

A couple of days later, Bruno and I were working well into the night. Phil and Ari went out to get food. The steroids were taking immediate effect. I looked down at my stomach in disappointment, not just because of how I looked but because the steroids weren't even working anymore. Bruno was polishing off a piano piece he had been working on. Suddenly, his playing stopped.

"What's a matter?" he asked.

"I feel like a beached whale."

"Oh please. You're not. You look great...you needed to put on weight."

I lifted up my shirt. "Look at this, though. I feel so bloated."

"Look at this," he said, lifting up his own shirt. "Look how much I let myself go. You're on steroids. At least you have a good reason. I just keep eating."

I sighed. "You know that scene in White Chicks when that one girl is in the changing room, holding her stomach?"

"Yeah," he nodded and giggled.

I squeezed my hands on my stomach to make it look like it was talking. "It's Tina the Talking Tummy."

He laughed pretty hard and started doing the same impression. Bruno looked over at the door and I followed his gaze. Phil and Ari were standing at the doorway.

"How much did you guys see?" I asked, feeling my face burning up.

They just started cracking up. We all did.

"You guys are so weird," Phil said.

I laughed. By September, Bruno was completely done with recording. It was all up to me at this point to put everything together.