I ignored Nalani’s text and went to bed. I woke up the next morning sprawled on Zac’s chest. I peeked my head to glance at the baby monitor to make sure the baby was asleep.
I laid my head back down making him shift and pull me closer to him. I spent the half hour replying last night in my head. The truth is I want this, I love laying in his arms, I love our son, and although it's tiring I do enjoy this season of life.
With that being said something has to give because if we keep going like this eventually it's going to fall apart. I don't ever want to feel how I felt hearing that door slam.
Zac: What's on your mind?
Fatima: Nothing, I was enjoying feeling safe in your arms.
Zac: Awww you making your man feel all fuzzy thing in the morning. I like that but you scaring me.
Fatima: Lol why is that?
Zac: Because babe, I know you cried yourself to sleep but now you're chipper. Should I be concerned?
Fatima: No, but I'm going to take a self care today. I need you to handle the house and the kid. You got me?
Zac: I got you.
I got showered while he got the baby, I was out flying up the highway singing not gone cry twenty minutes later.
My first spot was breakfast at the bagel shop before getting a fill in and a pedicure. Mid afternoon I found myself at the lake staring at the water letting my tears flow. His words keep replaying like a irritating tune.
"Then maybe you need to admit that what you want doesn't line up with what I need"
Fatima: Ok Ti, get it together and act accordingly. Dry these tears and finish your day. Focus on what YOU need.
Off I went to get a massage before shopping. I took a nice long nap in the movie theater before I called Danni to meet me for drinks.
Danni: What happened this morning?
Fatima: What you mean?
Danni: Zac and Niko have been out with the boys all day and I just heard from you an hour ago, so where were you all day? What happened?
Fatima: Oh, I took a self care day. I haven't talked to him since this morning.
Danni: You good?
Fatima: I guess, I'm just in my head about somethings?
Danni: Like what? I'm listening.
Fatima: My future, my relationship, my kid and life overall, I'm only 26 but sometimes I feel like a 50 year old married housewife. Idk sis, we had an argument, couples fight but I can't shake it. I love my man and we were on the same page until yesterday. I feel like his teeth are sank into me having another baby and I feel like maybe me and my son aren't enough.
Danni: Don't you really feel that, if so you need to communicate with him sis.
Fatima: I will after I figure it out in my own head. I don't want to argue or I just it to work without all this pressure. Actually nevermind, I don't want to talk about it, let's drink!
I got home near 9pm feeling light on my feet ready to get some sleep. I walked in to him jamming to Teach Me by Musiq Soulchild. When turned to hit that last note he saw me enjoying the show.
Fatima: Hey baby, you better sang it!
Zac: Oh you got jokes, hey baby. Did you enjoy your day?
Fatima: I did, I really did. Where my baby, I missed him.
