CLOSER | H.S.

31.

Go back to Chapter 30 if you haven't read the longer version yet.

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Harry's pov.

"It hurt so much to hurt you."

Forgive me - Evanescence

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I hated how vulnerable I've been. Just by coming home from work and going straight to the bar, ready to fight another urge for another night. I always need to convince myself to not come over at Scarlet's club, to not give in and go after her for another time and humiliate myself over something hopeless.

But it was her. I felt empty without her.

I knew what day of the week it was. Monday. Her free day.

I made myself come home that night after work, take a quick shower, put on some clothes and not even look at the bar as I grasped my keys tightly. Trying not to think about what I was going to do too much, impulsively driving, dreading the moment I'd see her face straight this time, completely sober. My stomach felt weird when I finally looked at her place.

I parked the car, rang the buzzer.

"Who is it?" Someone answered, I couldn't differ her voice from her rommate's.

"Uh- It's Harry", I talked to the wall. There was a moment of silence before the gate opened, when I realised it was probably her who had answered.

I climbed up the stairs until I stood in front of her door. I cleared my throat before firmly knocking, waiting for a response.

Two minutes later, she slowly unlocked and opened the door, revealing her slim figure wearing a pair of slippers and pyjamas. This time they were white silk, with cherries pattern all over it. It was slightly ripped by the sides, just because she wore it too much. I looked up and faced her flustered, make-up free cheeks, her dark brown eyes and long lashes fluttering at me. Her hair was up in a bun, with a few strands of curls falling out of it.

I let out a huge breath, realising I was holding it in the whole time.

"You look terrible", she told me with a blank expression.

I felt self-conscious about my looks, she was the one being effortlessly beautiful all the time. She looked different, even more independent than before. I hated the fact that I didn't affect her, or at least as it appeared to be.

I realised that I should have planned this. I had no idea what to say.

"Thank you", I said in a sarcastic tone. "Can I come in?"

"Sure", she took a few steps back, not trying to be friendly at all. As she granted me access, I got in.

Her home was nice. It was human. It somehow smelt like cigars and milk, slightly messy, but organised. My house was completely clean and polished the whole time, my bed was made everyday and I had to eat every meal of the day. I hated that. I wanted my house to smell like milk.

"I'm... Sober", I told her as I turned on my heels, tucking my hands inside my pockets. What should I say?

"And?" She raised her brows and crossed her arms under her chest. She wasn't wearing a bra again.

I closed my eyes, then looked at the ceiling, trying to stay focused.

"And... I'm not sure what to do now. That's what you wanted, isn't it?"

She exhaled sharply. "Not what I expected."

I didn't understand. She told me what to do and I did it. "Then what did you expect?" I made eye contact with her. "I'm here, aren't I?"