Fifty shades shattered

Self-hate

Christian's POV:

Nothing could diminish my happiness after I learnt that my kids are coming here again. They are coming back home and if I play my cards right they won't leave again. I was smiling broadly as Theodore walked back into the room. "We are not staying here." He stated making my smile drop. Once again my son was rejecting me and there was nothing I could do about it.

I wanted to force him to take back his words but realized that this would only push him further so I sat in my place bitting my tongue to shut myself up. Thank God Kate took the words straight from my mouth. "What? Why the hell not?" He just glared at her. "Because he caused enough damage. I'm not letting him hurt any of them again." He is protecting my babies from... Me. This shattered me. Did I hurt them that bad? Will he ever be able to forgive me? Will I be able to get my family together again.

This time I decided to speak. There are some things I needed to say and I needed him to hear it all. A second chance is all I'm asking for. "Theodore. I know I hurt you. All of you but what happened was a mistake. I promise you I would never hurt any of you again. Let me try to make it up to you, to them." He turned around and sent daggers my way "Make what up for them. Make up for the fact that you broke our mom. Or for almost killing her and your damn daughter in the process."

What the hell is he talking about. I looked at him confused but before I could ask he went on screaming. "You asked me who Katy was right? Well she is my lovely sister and your daughter. The one you almost killed. The one you almost took away from us for your selfish reasons." I was still confused "Killed?? My daughter?? How? What?" But Kate interjected before he could answer "Theodore enough." She screamed out. He turned to her. "No he wanted to know right. Daring to ask for a second chance. He must know everything. Let him feel the pain that we felt." He turned to me and walked closer as he continued " Yes your damn daughter. Did you ever ask yourself why the hell mom was in New York that night." He asked stopping when he was at an arms length away from me.

I spent days and nights thinking about that one question but never came out with an answer. I couldn't say anything so I simply nodded. He took that as a sign to continue "She was there because she wanted to tell you she was pregnant." My heart stopped at his words. Oh my God.. That's the one thing I never even considered. "She wanted to share her happiness with her beloved husband who was too busy fucking another woman." The disgust I saw in his eyes was enough to rip my soul. How could I do that? What the hell was I thinking? I wasn't. I tried to reply, to say something, anything but my vocal words were frozen along with my entire body.

When he saw my lack of response he went on   "You killed her that night. The woman you promised you loved. The woman you vowed to cherish and protect. You killed her emotionally that night but that wasn't enough for you was it. You had to hurt her physically as well." I never in my entire years of living hated my self more that I did at that moment. But what does he mean by hurting her physically. From the corner of my eye I saw my mom crying as dad held her. While everyone else was staring at the two of us. Kate jumped out of Elliot's embrace and took Teddy's hand trying to pull him away. But he didn't budge. My stubborn boy had things to say and I have no right to stop him. These are things I needed to hear.

"Stop pulling me away damn it" he said pulling his hand out of her's. "I want him to know everything. I want him to know how much I hate him every time I see Katy struggling to breathe. How much I wish I could kill him every time I see disappointment  in her eyes after she asks why her daddy doesn't love her."
Kate realized that she couldn't hold him back so she gave up and went towards Elliot once again. He took one step closer as he said hi next words. "Every Time I look at you I remember all the pain you put us through. I remember the long nights of hearing my mom sobbing into her pillow at night. Every Time I look in the mirror I hate myself more for looking just like you. You know how much it fucking hurts to see your mom flinch away from you because you are an exact replica of the person that damaged her."

My boy held so much hate in his heart for me. But he has every right to. I hurt them all so much for my own selfish reasons. Even I hate myself more than anything no wonder he is trying to protect them from me.

A.N:
I know you hate me right now but I couldn't write more. The next chapter is going to be so intense so get ready for it. This chapter is dedicated to VikiHarinova for all her support.