Fifty shades shattered

Part time student

Christian's POV:
I spent the night tossing and turning being plagued by one nightmare after the other. That girls words kept playing in my head. Everytime I closed my eyes I saw the hurt look on Phoebe's face and I jump up startled.

After a night of thinking I came up with one conclusion and that is I am a monster. I am one hell of a selfish monster. For all these years I put myself first. I neglected my children, my own flesh and blood, and for what? I did that thinking that I am protecting them from me, but I ended up hurting them even more.

Ohh how I wish I could go back in time, I would change everything. I would have put my foot down and fought for my kids. I would have stayed part of their lives. I thought I was punishing my self when I let Ana take them and leave but it seems that I punished them for my sins.

I shouldn't have let Ana run away that night. I should have begged and pleaded for her forgiveness. But at the time I didn't think I deserve it, and now I know for a fact that I don't deserve anything from my little family. The hurt I saw in Phoebe's eyes killed me, it shaterred my soul as I watched her head into the house trying to hold back her tears. No wonder she hates me so much, she has been hearing such comments for a long time it seems. All my children are survivors just like their amazing mother that despite everything stayed strong.

Morning came while I laid in bed thinking about everything. About that dreadful night 7 years ago, Ana leaving, the emptiness of my life. I thought about everything and anything until I came to the conclusion that hating myself would change nothing. I need to get up and face everything. I have fought with my demons for all these years, now is the time to help my children fight theirs.

With this in mind I jumped out of bed, showered and headed out. I have the chance to fight for my kids and this time I won't give up on them no matter who stands in my way. I arrived at Elliot's house and headed towards the door after some self encouraging words. It was Theodore that opened the door for me which surprised me for it was barely 7 in the morning. "Good morning." I said. "Morning" he mumbled out tiredly. The lack of sleep was evident on his face as his eyes were puffy with dark circles surrounding them.

"Why are you up so early?" I asked as I headed towards the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. "I like waking up early." He shrugged . But from his posture I knew that that was a lie but I decided to let it go. "What brings you here so early?" He asked. "I am a morning person, so I thought we can go all to breakfast before heading to Phoebe's competition." I said as I prepared my coffee. "Ohh. Okay." Was his reply as he stood next to me and started preparing a cup of tea. English tea to be precise, and just that made a thousand memories filter into my mind.

I stood next to him as he lightly dipped the tea bag in the cup then hurriedly pulled it out. "Like mother like son." I muttered more to myself than to him but he heard me so he turned. "Actually no I hate tea but that's for her." He said as he took the cup and walked out of the kitchen. "Ana is up?" I asked shocked. If there is anyone who loves sleep then it is my Ana so to say I was shocked that she was awake that early was an under-statement. "Yeah, apparently she stayed up all night working." He said shaking his head in disapproval. What the actual hell. She is exhausting herself, she spent the entire day yesterday working as well.

I followed him upstairs to open the door of the room for him where we found Ana hunched over her desk fast asleep. She didn't even stir when we opened the door and walked in, showing how exhausted she actually was. Theodore went to wake her up when I stopped him. "No let her sleep." I whispered. He looked at me and shook his head "no she made me promise to wake her. She has alot to do and no time left." He answered as he got closer to her. "Just leave her for a couple more minutes. She needs to rest." I answered back. Finally after some hesitation he nodded his head.