Fifty shades shattered

Second chance

Christian's POV:

I slowly walked back towards Ana's room and knocked on the door waiting for her patiently. Seconds later she popped her head out of it while still on the phone. "Can we talk?" I asked getting straight to the point. She simply nodded her head and opened the door wider inviting me in while she said good bye to that fucker on the phone.

"So?" She asked the moment she hung up on his sorry ass and looked towards me. "I am taking you and the kids out for lunch." I started but was cut off before I could continue. "I don't think that's a good idea. I need to pack and.." She kept on giving me useless excuses until I got fed up. "Ana don't do this. I just want us to go out for fucking lunch like a family. Don't make it a big deal. The kids would feel more comfortable in the your presence." I gritted out.

She seemed taken back by my words but nodded her head any way. Finally she was agreeing to something. "There is another thing" I said motioning for her to sit down since looking at her standing infront of me with her arms crossed pushing her boobs up made me want to rip her clothes off her delicate skin and sink deeply into her. Reluctantly she sat down on the bed facing me waiting for me to continue. "How are you doing?" I asked trying to word my thoughts. "Fine, as you can see all is good." She replied while averting her eyes away from me. "Ana not the kids, not work, I am asking about you? How is Anastasia Steel doing?" I asked again looking at her beautiful eyes as they snapped up to meet mine. "I-I okay." She said averting her eyes once again which assured me that she was lying. She was never a good liar.

I moved out of my chair and stood infront her as I raised her chin upwards so that her eyes would meet mine "don't lie to me baby." I said softly as she looked at me innocently and caught her lip between her teeth.. Ohhh my god I could feel the tent build in my pants as I stared at her biting that delicious lip of hers. "Ohhh Ana, you know what this does to me." I said huskily as I ran my thumb on her lip pulling it away from her teeth. The beautiful blush that I love covered her face as she averted her eyes and smiled shyly. "Sorry." She mumbled. Ohh how I miss my innocent baby, how I wish I can kiss her sweet sweet lips and remind her of all the beautiful times we spent together. But now is not the time for this, we need to talk and I will have my wicked way with her later.

It took all the strength in me to let go of her chin and walk back towards my chair. I can't think straight when I am that close to her it seems, the sexual tension was filling the room making her squirm on the bed as my hard on was visible through my pants. "Life goes on." She mumbled suddenly pulling me out of my dirty thoughts. She said it with so much melancholy in her voice that it broke my heart.

"I really am sorry Ana. For everything I did. For breaking your trust in me. For hurting you the way I did. For doing the one thing that I promised you I would never do. You have every right to hate me." I said looking at the floor for I couldn't look her in the eye right now and see her pain, the pain that I caused her. "I don't hate you. I wish I do but it's just not possible." She said softly shocking me. She doesn't hate me. How can she not hate me, after everything I did to her is it possible that she still loves me. But how? Dear lord she is truly and angel. "How can you not hate me? Even I hate myself." I asked confused to why she said she doesn't. "Ohh Christian, yes you hurt me. You broke my heart into a thousand million pieces but somehow I still love you with every single piece. I tried really hard to hate you, to forget you but it was simply impossible." She mumbled softly. I looked up and saw tears running down her face as her eyes filled with pain. "I always knew that one day your needs would overcome your love but I was just not ready for that. Seeing you that night in your element made me see how much you had changed for me. I always knew you had needs but it was just too hard. I wish I could have met them for you. I wish that I was enough, but sadly I wasn't and never will be." She said hiccuping.

Her words felt like daggers in my chest, seeing her features filled with pain and heart ache I wanted to punish myself. Oh dear lord what have I done. I ruined this angel, shattered her heart and her self esteem, betrayed her trust and crushed her.

"Ana baby that night, what I did, it wasn't your fault. I was just a fucking bastard, You can't imagine how sorry I am for it. I would do and give anything for a second chance with you another chance to show you how much you mean to me. A second chance to prove that you are enough, more than enough. You're my life, my heart, my light.. Without you I am in perpetual darkness day and night. The last seven years were the worst of my life. You left and took with you my soul leaving me a dead numb man. I wanted to search for you, to beg for your forgiveness. But I knew that I didn't deserve it, the pain I was filling was my punishment. I deserved to suffer for my mistakes, for the pain I caused you and the kids. " I said as tears streamed down my face. I was repulsed by myself and my actions.

I am more than ready to grovel at her feet and beg for forgiveness, forgiveness that I don't deserve but I just can't keep living like this. "Now seeing you here with the kids I realized that I hurt you more by staying away. You had to do everything alone, you had to go through hell all alone because I was a coward. I couldn't keep you from leaving but I should have. I should have been there for you guys when Teddy was injured. I should have been the one holding your hand when you gave birth to that little angel. I should have been there when she took her first steps and said her first words." I said as I felt weight lift from my chest. Ana needs to know how sorry I am, I know that I am one fucked up bastard but I still love her.

"I missed alot of things from your and the children's lives through the years but I don't want to miss anymore. I want to be there for Teddy's graduation. I want to be there for you every step of the way. Please Ana please, just give me a second chance. I promise I won't hurt you again. The night you left I realized how fucking selfish I was. I damaged this beautiful family that we created together, please help me put back together again. I can't keep doing this, I can't keep on living like this. Knowing that I failed you, I failed them, I failed myself.." I said as I broke down in tears.

I set my head on my knees trying to calm myself and hide my breakdown. I don't know for how long we sat there but the silence was killing me. "Please say something." I said after a couple of minutes begging for something, anything. "I don't know what to say." Ana replied her voice breaking. "Anything." I mumbled out not sure if she even heard me.

"What do you want me to say Christian? That I forgive you? I- I can't. As much as I loved and still love you I can't do this. I won't let you hurt me again. I barely survived it once, I can't do it again. Please understand. They say time heals all wounds but mine isn't healed yet. It's still hurting, I still feel a void in my chest. The last couple of years were not a walk in the park for me. I went through hell and back every second of every day. I worked all day and cried all night for years trying to push you out of my head. I can't let you do this to me, not again." She said as she broke down in tears once again.

"Please just one more chance. I won't do it again, I promise you I won't. I walked away from the lifestyle, the last seven years taught me a whole lot more than you can ever imagine. I won't do this again, it's not even a possibility." I said as I squatted down near her on the floor while she sat on the bed. "Please Ana let me redeem myself, please." I said literally begging her, all I wanted was a chance.

"I don't think I can trust you again Christian. I am sorry." She said as she stood up and wiped her tears with her palms. "Let me show you, let me prove it to you." I said standing up and looking at her. "I don't know. I need time, please just give me time. I need to think." She said as she moved towards the bathroom and washed her face.

"Time.. Okay this I can handle. I will show you that you can trust me again Ana. I am not going to let you down, I promise." I said as wiped my face with a tissue. Time this I can deal with this. She didn't come straight out and say no, so there is still a chance that I can win her back. For the first time in seven years I felt hope growing in my heart as light replaced the darkness that surrounded me.
I
A.N:
Yeah your eyes are not betraying you I actually updated again this week. I am done with finals and now have some time to write so chapters will be coming faster than usual. So what do you think about what happened? Should Ana give him another chance or no?