Fifty shades shattered

Tired

Anastasia's POV:
I sat there frozen as thoughts ran wild in my mind. Can I do it? Can I leave my kids here alone? "Ummm. I-I" I stuttered out. I don't know what to do.

Christian seemed to pick up on my nervousness so he spoke up before I could. "Or I can simply go with you" He states. What?? No. Off course not. I don't want him to come. He can't come home with us, it's bad enough that I saw him here but I don't think I would be able to handle Christian in my home.

To me Denver is my safe place, I stayed here knowing that if things get too rough I can leave and go back home to my stable life. But if he comes with me then I would have no where left to go, Denver is Christian free place and I want it to remain like that. I can't have him go there, I need to have a place that I don't associate with him.

Maybe I am being selfish, but I need this for the sake of my sanity. I need to make sure that my safe place remains safe despite him walking back into our lives like this.

"No, no you can't" I say voicing my thoughts, just the thought of him standing in my house makes my heart stop. "Why?" He asked looking hurt. "Be-because I can't" I try again to explain myself .

"Ana I am trying here. Stop being so stubborn" he says exasperated. I sighed. Yeah he is right he is trying but I am trying as well. Does he think it is easy on me to sit here facing him trying to find common ground between us.

"I'm sorry but this situation doesn't come with a manual." I said getting frustrated. "If you ever find the book on how to act when your cheating ex-husband comes back to your life after 7 years of neglect wanting to take back his kids then by all means tell me so I can read it." I say. He looks shocked then angry all at once.

"Enough Ana I get it I made a mistake, one mistake and trust me I payed a damn high price for that one. I paid for it every second you were far away from me. Neglect!? I never neglected you guys, you took them and ran away making me promise not to follow. You are the one that hid from me the fact that I have a daughter. For fucks sake Ana I have a daughter that doesn't even know that she is mine, so don't you come all high and mighty on me now acting like you did nothing wrong." He growled at me as his grey eyes darkened.

He didn't give me a chance to reply as he kept talking. "I made a mistake, and I am so damn sorry about it. It was a moment of weakness, I was tired and stressed from everything. I had one fucked up day where nothing was going right so I went to that damn bar and had some drinks. I don't know what happened or how but the next thing I know was seeing you standing there by the door. I was drunk, wasted and stupid. I broke my promise, I fucked up big time but I got punished for it. Don't you think seven years of punishment is enough. Ana I am so sorry for hurting you like that. I never loved someone as much as I loved you and never will. Hell I can't stop loving, you gave me my life back. Your love gave me hope and made me a better person but losing you that dreadful night I got lost again. You-you broke your promise as well. You promised never to leave, but you left- you left me alone and broken." He said as he slumped next to me his whole body convulsing as tears ran down his cheeks.

I sat there frozen in my seat, I don't know what to say. I can't believe this, he- he still loves me. But I thought he was with her. I thought he got bored from all the vanilla and needed the heavy shit again. I can't think, I can barely breath right now. He is right I broke his promise by leaving but he also broke his by cheating. He is right about the whole Katy thing, but I couldn't tell him. At that time, I couldn't face him and tell him. I knew that he would make me stay if he found out so I ran while I still could.

I was trying to protect us all from him, but maybe I made a mistake leaving like this. I ripped my children away from their family and stole Katy's father away from her. I hadn't noticed that I was crying until I felt him wipe the tears from my cheeks. "I-I'm.." I wanted to say sorry but I couldn't. He was at fault here, we both were.

"Calm down, both you." I heard Kate say. Oh my god, I totally forgot abou their presence here. We just put on one hell of a show for them. I looked up at all of them but couldn't look them in the eye. I was too embarrassed to do that. "I'm sorry." I said finally my voice coming out barely a whisper. "No, no Ana don't. I am the one who is sorry. I shouldn't have blames you like that. I'm sorry please Ana forgive me." He said his words breaking my heart again and again.

"I don't know what to do or think anymore. I'm tired." I finally said because I was really lost. Should I give him another chance, what assures me that he won't do that again. But what about my kids. Don't they deserve to have a father in their lives, I know it was hard on them the last seven years without him. But can I trust him not to hurt them, the way he hurt me. They have gone through enough in their lives that I don't want them to suffer anymore. I am seriously really tired.

A.N:
Sorry for the late update and the short chapter but I am working on my senior project and I barely have time left. It is due in 2 weeks so until then I will update only when I can and the updates will probably be short. But once I am done with it I promise to make it up to you. I hope you liked the chapter. Help Ana out and give her some advice on what she has to do. Comment your advice