Lesbian Academy (Girlxgirl, Lesbian)

Chapter 13. Options

Chapter 13.

Falling for me. What did it mean? Blue liked me but she wasn't quite in love yet? For someone as bright as me, why couldn't I grasp that concept? When I met Alya back in the summer camp, I never had the chance to fall for her. I loved her and that was it. It was plain and simple. For that reason, I was lost in translation now. I heard the words but it didn't make sense.

I placed my palm against Blue's chest, right where her heart should be. She froze. "How do I make you feel?" I asked, staring at her quizzically. "Do I make your heart beat fast? Are there butterflies in your stomach? Does seeing me make you giddy with excitement?"

"No." She put her hand on top of mine. "At first I felt all of those, but not anymore." I was confused. Wasn't that what being in love was? "There's nothing I like more than figuring something out, and then eventually breaking it so I can create something new," she said. "I realized that I was falling for you when you gave me that feeling."

"Please elaborate."

Blue gave me a meaningful look. "Quick heartbeats and butterflies in the stomach are infatuation Mars. Love is very different. Love is when standing close to her makes you happy because her presence is enough. Love is when you think of her when you order a food because you know it's her favorite too. Love is walking comfortably in silence and enjoying it because you're with her."

She let me go and stepped away so there was a small space between us. Her expression darkened. "Love is seeing her next to the one she likes but being ok with it. Love is when you know she can't reciprocate your feelings but you still want to protect her. And for all intents and purposes, love is when you know that certain someone can destroy you and allowing them to." She inhaled a deep breath. "If there's a threshold, a thin line between that vulnerability and me, I'm this close to crossing it." She put her index finger and thumb close together.

How should I respond? Was honesty the best route to take? "Blue," I murmured. "I don't know how to say this. . ."

"You're going to tell me about Alya?" she asked without breaking a rhythm. How did she? I nodded numbly. Her face softened. "I'm aware about your infatuation with her. I also know that you met her during your teens in camp." She smiled reassuringly. "Don't ask how I know, I just do. But are you sure that you're even in love with her?"

I thought hard about her question. Alya was the first and only one who stirred my heart. For years, all I wanted to do was be with her. I had this strange fantasy of seeing us together. Of running and joking around like back in camp. No other thoughts occupied my mind.

"I don't really know," I said with doubt. "Maybe."

Blue took hold of my shoulders. "Please be sure. Every moment you spend being in love with the wrong person is an eternity of suffering for the one who does love you. And like I said, I'm falling so hard that not even a net can support me on my way down. Please be there on the ground because I don't want to die falling. But maybe even then I would still jump."

"O-okay."

"What's up?" Bern said as she waltz into the kitchen, completely oblivious of what happened prior. She saw Blue's hand on my shoulder. My sister smiled with a knowing look. "Didn't I tell you kids to lay off each other? That means no dirty looks and stolen kisses. Not on my watch lesbos. Not on my watch." That quickly diffused the tension.

"Someone's calling me," Blue said. She took her phone from her pocket and stared at the screen. "It's the headmaster." She answered. "Hello?" Her gaze went to me. "Yes, I'm with Mars." What could the headmaster want from her? Blue had a thoughtful look on her face. "And what about the contest?" She nodded. "I'm on it. Please send me a copy of the form so I can print it. I'll also wait for the location." She pushed the end call button.