Lesbian Academy (Girlxgirl, Lesbian)

Chapter 56. Tribulation

Chapter56. Tribulation

Breaking point- Defined as the moment when someone succumbs physically, mentally, and emotionally due to repeated or extreme stress. The loss of control. The point of no return. It was at this point when I should have died but didn't. In another time, another place, a different plane altogether, someone was thumping on my chest, breathing at my mouth. I tried to put the pieces together. Was I still in the ocean with Hazel eyes, kept afloat by her arms, trying hard not to swallow water? I wasn't too sure. A wave could have taken us apart. I could be underneath the blue, drowning. Blue? The word was awfully familiar. It was more than just a color. It had a deeper meaning.

Another pump at my chest and I thought of the trees. Around my home, around the island, around everywhere. They were lush, healthy, green like mint. Green like candy. There was a surge of affinity, friendship, and fun on that thought. Candy. It sounded like a friend. But I shouldn't be thinking of these things, should I? There was a bigger issue here, more than the blue, more than the candy. I should focus on the warm fluid, a lot of it on the snow. The color of apple and blood, Red. I couldn't understand this. Wasn't I supposed to follow the tunnel and the white light? That was where I should go, yet I couldn't bring myself to.

All the other thoughts, Hazel, white, red, candy, and blue, were overshadowed by another singular thing, the fog. It was hazy, playful, captivating. It appeared out of nowhere and coaxed me to move, to dance, to sing. I was enchanted. The fog was grey. "Come on, Tarts!" someone yelled next to my ear. "Don't give up on me." The fog I was playing with shrank away, fearful with the voice.

"Come back," I said, floating in nothingness. "I like you. Play with me." But the more I chased after it, the faster the fog slipped away. I was too exhausted to follow.

"Open your eyes, Mars. Everyone would kill me for this, damn it! Blue, Red, Candice, Alya. Think of your friends, your mother, me. I need you." Why was she screaming? Whoever that was better stop. Or I— The pumping on my chest increased, as if whatever was doing that had gained renewed strength. I couldn't think about making threats anymore. It was taking my energy away. "You're almost there, baby. You can do this." Baby? Since when did Lilith call me that? My chest swelled. I moved my head to the side and vomited.

A pair of hands supported my body while I went through the motions. Eventually nothing was coming out, and in its place was despair, clawing at the bottom of my gut, wanting to resurface. Vomiting, anything, was better compared to coming at a realization that I had died and was brought back. It went against every basic human instinct imaginable. I shook with the gravity of the thought. I had been another woman's daughter in another life. Belonged in another body. Been in love with the most beautiful creature.

Who was I, Mars or her, that unnamed person who I've dreamt about? Who was I to call mother, or father, or lover? There were two identities within me, none of which I could now relate to. She was I. I was me. This was the part where I cried because of my losses. I didn't settle with small tears, the ones you see on TV where the girl was still cute even while her cheeks were wet. A long wail came out of my mouth, feral in nature, unstoppable. I curled into a ball, grabbing the bed sheets, holding on to something. Who was I? What was my name?

Lilith, who had no clue what to make of me, didn't leave my side once. As much as it touched me, the intimate gesture of her, of us naked in the bed together while she hugged me from behind was too much. I pried her arms away, wanting to be left alone. But every time I did, she was back to the embrace. "Don't keep me in the dark," she said. "Talk to me." I wasn't ready. I wanted to run away or leave this all behind by going into hibernation, but how could I even think of closing my eyes when I've never been more awake?

"I know what happened in the past," I said, swallowing another sob from escaping. "If I told you, you wouldn't believe me."

She rubbed my tummy. "Try me is an overused line, so instead I'll say, let's go down the rabbit hole together." How ironic. She shouldn't be using such terms. But my insides were screaming for me to divulge the secrets. It had went on for too long. I would combust if I didn't say it to another soul.