Reckless Serenade (Alex Turner FanFic)

Chapter 37- The Aftermath

AN: There may be triggers, so take caution when reading!

I cried for a while, then realisation hit me like Sherlock hit the pavement. (AN:Sorry!)

Why was I even crying about this? This happens to thousands of people. Why am I being so stupid about this? I'm such an idiot. A worthless piece of shit. But at least Alex loves me. Or does he? Was he just with me to get famous? Was he with me for pity? Was this all fake? My dad never loved me, so why would any other man?

I eventually wiped my tears and kissed Alex's cheek, before standing up.

"I'm going for a shower" I simply said. Alex nodded and attempted to hold my hands, but I was already walking off. I looked in the mirror while I was waiting for the shower to warm up. I'm so fat. I'm so ugly. Why am I even alive?

I looked around when my eyes landed on something I wished they hadn't... my old blades. I used to do it a while ago, must have forgot to get rid of them... My mind switched off for while and the next thing I remember is stepping out of the shower. I looked down and sighed. And sure as hell, there was 4 bleeding slashes across my stomach. I was 8 years clean... Not anymore. I grabbed a towel and pressed it to my stomach to stop the bleeding. I felt so empty, no registration of the pain I was supposed to be feeling. What is wrong with me?

I saw that the cuts had stopped bleeding, so I slipped a oversized t-shirt on and some joggers and left the bathroom. I smiled at Alex, and kissed him, avoiding touching him with my stomach. I grabbed a bottle of water and went to bed. I sat there staring at my cuts. They looked so ugly, yet I did them to myself. Why?

I need to stop this... Now.

I lay in bed for a while and eventually got up.

"Are you okay, babe?" Alex questioned. He was reading his book. He looked so cute. I shouldn't do this to him, if he knew... I had him in my life. That was enough. Right?

"Yeah, just need the loo" I replied, before going to the bathroom.

This was right.

I walked over to my blades and picked them all up. I then went to the bin in the kitchen and opened the lid. Just drop them, Olivia... You can do it. Go on. But what if I need them in future...

I dropped all but one, a blunt-ish one, and went back to the bathroom. I hid it right at the back of the cupboard so hopefully, I wouldn't see it again, and went back to bed...

This was right... I'm sure.

AN: Sorry for the long wait! But I'll be going back and putting songs for each chapter bc why not?! Also, I think it'll be fun to see if some of you have similar music tastes to me (obviously Arctic Monkeys but... aha) XD