Beautiful Sin | TaeKai

|Chapter Twenty|

A/N - i'm sorry this chapter is overdue, i was going to do it like two days after Jemmy did her chapter but my parents are moving so i have been busy helping them pack and clean and also my one shots have been taken off hiatus so to say i've been a bit distracted is a bit of an understatement... However i do have good news, i finish university this week (dropping out next year hopefully) which means i personally will be able to update quicker ~Tyler
_____________________

Their laughter died out ten minutes later and they walked in peaceful silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, in fact Kai quite liked it. Even without talking, just being in his brother's presence was making him feel better.

Kai couldn't help but think back to their dance practice, he had so many questions and had no idea if Taemin would be able to answer them.

Kai glanced at his older brother still in his little day dream. He blinked in slow motion as he took in his brother's features.

"Hyung..." Kai whispered quietly as Taemin glanced back at him with a hum for a reply. "What happened the other day?"

Taemin stopped walking and frowned at him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean... What happened in the practice room... I cant stop thinking about it." Kai sighed.

"I don't know what you're referring to, Jongin-ah." Taemin said, playing dumb.

Kai looked down at the ground. "I feel bad about it.. And very disgusted in myself if I'm being completely honest."

"Why?" Taemin raised an eyebrow questioningly, but he had a feeling he knew where this was going.

Kai sighed again. "Because I almost kissed you, hyung. What kind of a brother does that? What kind of a brother actually wants that? I don't deserve to be your brother, hyung."

"Are you saying that as my brother?" Taemin asked softly. "Or as someone who wants to be more than my brother?"

Kai frowned as he thought about it then looked up at Taemin weakly. "I, don't know anymore, hyung."

"Tell me about it?" Taemin asked and made them sit on the grass. "What's going through that mind of yours?"

"I want to be your little brother like I have always been. I love what we have and the bond that we share, we're like best friends except we are related which makes that bond even more special. But the other day..." Kai trailed off and looked out to the water of the river. "The other day I wanted to kiss you and be more than your brother. I know I cant though because we share the same blood and there is nothing we can do about that..."

Kai felt awkward admitting this to Taemin but he really needed to get it off his chest and he needed the help to sort out his head because every inch of his body, heart and soul was telling him that he wanted Taemin more than he wanted Kyungsoo.

Taemin tensed beside him before speaking his own mind. "I know how you feel... I wanted you to kiss me too, but we have to think about this rationally."

"You're right, as always." Kai agreed. "Even if we wanted it, it would only be a mistake both of us would regret."

"Our relationship would never be accepted and I'm sure our parents would kill us if they ever found out." Taemin added.

"But even that doesn't seem to stop me from wanting it." Kai said quietly.

Neither boy could bring themselves to look at the other so they just watched the water silently feeling awkward tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.

Kai was thankful when his phone started to ring, he checked the caller i.d and answered it grimly.

"Hey baby.." Kai said, trying to sound cheerful but failing epicly.

"Were you busy? I'm sorry babe I didn't realise. I was just calling to tell you my flight landed safely." Kyungsoo said misjudging Kai's emotion.

Kai gave a short chuckle. "It's fine Kyungie. As long as you're safe that's all that matters."

"So I know I'm going to be away for a few months and it's going to put a strain on our relationship but..." Kyungsoo stated but Kai interrupted him.

"Actually hyung, about that... I think we should break up." Kai said bluntly.

"What? Why?" Kai heard Kyungsoo's voice crack and knew the older was close to tears which made him feel extremely guilty for doing this.

"I don't think it's going to work out between us Kyungie. I selfishly asked you out in an attempt to get rid of my feelings for someone else. I like you hyung, I do, but I can never be at your level and somehow I think you already know this." Kai admitted.

Kyungsoo sighed on the other end of the line. "It did occur to me earlier but I guess I was just naive enough to believe you just needed time because you were afraid to say the words."

"I'm sorry, hyung.. I hope this doesn't hurt our friendship." Kai said finally understanding what Suho's problem was.

Kyungsoo chuckled. "And prove Suho hyung right? I don't think so. I think we need time to cool off so don't call me. I'll see when I get back to the dorm and we'll talk properly okay?"

"Okay hyung. I really am sorry though." Kai apologized again.

"It's okay Jongin, really." Kyungsoo said softly before hanging up on him.

Kai put his phone down and just stared at it. He clearly just broke Kyungsoo's heart but Kyungsoo is too stubborn to admit weakness. Kai sighed as all the guilt began to weigh him down. He didn't want to do it over the phone, but he knew he wouldn't have the heart to do it in person, especially months away after having to pretend for so long.

"Are you okay, Jonginnie?" Taemin asked, reminding Kai that he wasn't alone.

Kai turned to Taemin and leaned into his chest.

"I'm such a bad person, hyung." Kai said, breaking down into tears.

Taemin wrapped his arms around Kai and hugged him, Kai gripped fistfuls of Taemin's shirt as he sobbed into his older brother's chest.