I Really Dont Care (Rants)

white makeup devil looking Japanese bitch

2 days till Christmas!!!!! yay! im so excited!

So yesterday i went over to Kayla B's and the rest of NCKLBACK except Cooper were there and we all started to build the TREE OF IMAGINATION out of chicken wire and we made the bases for the student desks. After everyone but Nalani and i left, we started talking about the fanfic they're writing with Mecca (Mason and Beekachu), Treyla (Trey and Kayla), Nalani and her crush, and me and 2.0. I figured out who basically everyone was since they used code names. it was pretty obvious. (OMG THAT PUN WAS NOT INTENDED KAYLAS xD). Then Ellie (codename for ironic reasons) started texting Kayla about how he wanted to die and kill himself and im like...shattered by this. no, i dont like Ellie, i like 2.0, who is a totally different gender than Ellie xD. we all butted in and wrote a text from Kayla's pov and sent it to him but he always twisted the words. like i said that suicide was a permanent solution to a temporary problem and he replied something about the solution being a good one or something like that idk. but its sad to think that so many people you think you really know are actually dying inside and hidden behind some sort of mask. like mine is always being cheery and happy and never giving up on anyone. im a naturally happy person, but i am dying inside. i am getting better, but i still am. and so many of the people i care about are, too, and i didnt even realize it until they came clean. it really saddens me that someone could seem so secure, so brave, so strong, but in reality, they're weak, dying and so insecure that they feel like they want to die. this world is way too cruel to people at our age nowadays, and i dont get why. thats why i dont want Logan or Lana to grow up. i dont want them to wake up one day thinking everything is amazing and then have their world shattered by the truth: the world is a dark place, and even though we're trying our best to fix it, we really arent making progress because people keep on making bad choices. i dont want my little siblings or any kid to see the dark that lingers in this world, because once you do, your life turns around and youre never the same. thats what happened to me; i was so happy, and i still am, but ive see so much dark in the world that i realize i have to have some hope to hold onto if i want to smile like i do. i always try to look on the bright side of everything, but im afraid not everyone does that, and they see more dark than others. 

we continued our deep ass conversation for what seemed like hours until my birthgiver came to pick me up. 

anyways, tomorrow i have a busy Xmas Eve planned out. from 8-9 am im going to my dads so my uncle Aubry and uncle Will (yes, theyre married. it was an adorable wedding) can give Beekachu, Aidan and i their gifts to us in person because we normally wouldnt go over to our dads until the 28th, but they wont be in town then. they live up in Dallas. (GUYS ITS 2 DAYS TILL XMAS AND THE AC IS RUNNING BECAUSE WE ARE WEARING SHORTS CAUSE ITS SO HOT DOWN HERE IN TEXAS). after that, our mom is going to pick us up and we're going to church, then to see Santa at market place, then to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch/dinner with Meme. by then im sure we'll all be pooped and open the pajama presents we always get on Xmas Eve, slip them on and crash. 

okay so im really excited because i know about a present that Aidan and Beekachu and Logan dont know about and im not allowed to say exactly what it is cause Beekachu is probably reading this or one of the Kaylas thatll tell her xD. but Meme is helping with it, and im really excited. but im gonna have to clean up my room and hide some shit in high places so nothing is ruined. but like we were waiting for our food at McDonalds and my mom implied something about the secret gift and i sat there laughing my ass off for a good ten minutes because i knew what she was talking about. but im excited and a bit scared, but ill get over it. there's way more pros than cons to this, anyways. 

so i have $120 because i got 2 As on finals and 2 100s on finals. so i have spending money! im gonna buy a Sabrina Carpenter (#queenaf #goalsaf) sweater, a Twaimz llama shirt and a FNAF book written by the creator Scott Cawlfin (idk how to spell it) himself. im really excited. the rest of the money im saving for spending money for the DC trip in MArch, which i am OFFICALLY GOING ON! IM SO EXCITED. I HOPE I GET THE YARBAROUGHS AND MCKENNA AS MY ROOMMATES AND NOT SOME SNOBBY POPULAR CHICK THAT IS TOO NORMAL FOR ME TO HANDLE. IM REALLY EXCITED THOUGH. LIKE, AMERICAN HISTORY. MY WEAKNESS. PASSION. LOVE. YAY. 

anyways thats all for now. i cant wait to see what i got for Xmas and rant about all that shit. idk what the hell my big present could be. well, maybe its luggage for the trip, idk. but im excited. 

and the 28th marks the one year bday of this laptop that im updating on right now! only one year? wow...time has gone by quickly yet so fucking slow. idk. its weird. 

anyways thats all for now. 

i said that already...

oh well. 

bye

HA HURRRRRRRRR