Allison lay in my bed asleep as I sat up staring at the wall. The room was completely dark except for the sliver of light from the moon that was shining on my face. The irony of it all was that it represented me perfect. I was dark on the inside, bad except for the tiny part of me left that was still innocent and good. The funny part was that I had been looking at the same type of moon the night I was bitten. Which made me wonder, would I be this way if I hadn’t become a werewolf that night? Would Allison be this way? Would she have ever even noticed me? I wished that I hadn’t been bitten, I wished that she hadn’t noticed me and I wished that I was still the same Scott McCall that I was months ago.
Honestly, in the short time that Allison had been asleep, I had thrown up at least 3 times. I just could not stop thinking about what I had done. It didn’t help that after Allison and I had finished that night, she started crying. She kissed me and told me she didn’t believe I could love her the way that I did, but I still think thought that I had hurt her. I’m so scared of hurting her. Part of me hates myself for what I had just done. How could I do that to someone who had been raped, especially someone that I loved? Maybe I was just like those men because I touched her the same way they had. Was I just like them? Was I a monster too? I was ashamed of myself. I was disgusted with myself.
Allison started shaking in her sleep, trembling, and then she started to scream. It wasn’t just a scream though, she was in complete terror. So, I shook her, trying as hard as I could to wake her, “Allison! Allison please wake up! Allison! Allison!” I yelled looking down at her as she woke up. I pulled her into my arms quickly, “Allison… Tell me about your dream.” I didn’t want to know, but I needed to.
She took a breath before telling me, “This one was… reliving that night but… I knew what was going to happen… In every dream I always hear the blonde one speaking… he spoke the most… and did the most.” Rage built up inside me like it had when that asshole was mouthing off to me. Of course he was the one who did the most. I clenched my fists, my claws digging into my hand.
“Yeah I-I he talked to me…”
“What do you mean?” She asked me, her voice shaking. I honestly did not want to talk about him. How could I talk about the man who haunted me most, the one who I saved for last just to put him through hell? How could I be such a bad person?
“I think of him most… After you fainted I-I he kicked you toward me… telling me I-I w-was just in time for leftovers…” Saying those words again killed me more than anything I said to Allison that night. I almost gagged, but held it back because I didn’t want Allison to know just how much it had affected me. She would probably blame herself for the hell that it was putting me through.
Allison gasped, “I can’t imagine… You never told me…” She whispered as I ran my hands along her hand. I needed something to keep me from snapping.
It was because I didn’t have the strength to tell her, or the stomach. She didn’t need to know what happened after she passed out. What happened before that was already more than enough. I couldn’t tell her before, but I had to now. “I never wanted you to know… About how I lost it and killed them… I still think of them every day…”
“Hey we have something in common!” She tried to joke but if anything it made me feel even worse knowing that she thinks of them every day. I wished that she could let it go. I just wished she could be happy again. Honestly, I couldn’t remember the last time I saw her smile because she was really happy. I hadn’t seen her dimples in way too long. I hated that more than anything, she couldn’t even smile around me. “Scott… How can I blame you for that? The rage was too much I don’t know how you were able to even phase back and be able to help me.”
