It had been a month since that night and I just really needed some time away from everything. I couldn’t take all of the stress and self-hatred that came with being with Allison. I hated that it was that was, but it was and I just could not handle it any longer. Of course, Stiles had nothing to do so I decided to hang out with him. It would be perfect just being able to hang out with Stiles, mess around and do nothing really. There would be no drama, no crying, and no throwing up (which still hadn’t stopped by the way.)
Stiles and I were just sitting in his room watching TV. It wasn’t exactly the most fun situation but it definitely beat the all of the stressful experiences I had with Allison. Both of us had been changing so much since the night she was raped. I hated it so much because it was me who changed the most. Allison had been dealing with everything surprisingly well and she didn’t seem to change that much other than being more fragile and having more nightmares. I was the one who had become a totally new person. I felt as if I was feeling the effects of the full moon every day and night. Anger was always built up inside me and I could barely even feel emotions anymore. If I was being honest with myself, I was a wreck. I truly wished that it wasn’t the way it was. I wished that I could be there for Allison without being like this and that I could love her the way she deserved to be loved.
Anyways, as we were watching TV, Stiles’ home phone went off and he scrambled, clumsily off of his chair to the phone. He picked it up, putting it on speaker so I could hear as well. I think he forgot that I had super human hearing but I didn’t want to tell him. It wasn’t a big deal. We heard someone talking except I didn’t know who it was. It sounded like someone from a different police station. Actually, it was someone from a different police station. They told Sheriff Stilinski that they found four people killed by an animal. They told him that the families of each of them were so worried and needed to know what had killed them. All of the families were mourning and the man from the other station told him that they were begging for answers. I was worried because I thought I knew what they were talking about. Once the sheriff asked where they were found, my worst nightmare had come true.
“Hey weren’t you and Allison there Scott? You’re so lucky nothing happened. Do you think it was the alphas?” He asked me, but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t function in general. My mind was blank. Stiles was still talking to me asking me questions but I couldn’t even cope. I did that… It was all my fault and now their families were mourning. Anger built up inside me and I ran out of Stiles’ house and he called after me. I didn’t care, I had to leave, possibly go throw up outside.
After a few blocks, my knees gave out and I fell to the ground putting my hands against the cement to keep myself up. I almost puked, but somehow held it in and began to bawl. Again, I was disgusted with myself. I killed those men and now their families were suffering. All because of me, people are suffering. How could I live with myself knowing that I had done that? That’s when I realized that I couldn’t get away from it. No matter where I went, the monster inside followed. So, I gave in. I let it take over once again. I yanked myself up and made my way to Allison’s house slowly.
I looked around at all of my surroundings as my body started to shake because of pure anger. Finally I arrived at Allison’s house and pulled my arm up to ring the doorbell. I moved as if I was a robot. And I stood there emotionless, waiting for her to answer the door. “Hey Scott!” She said smiling. “Scott you’re making me worry. What’s wrong?” She asked, pulling me inside, up to her room.
I sat on her bed and remained silent. I did not want to talk, no I came here for one reason and one reason only and it was not talking. She was looking at me in a way that showed I had to at least say something, “I didn’t know where to go. I came here.” I stated, tilting my head slowly, again like a robot. I was lying; I knew exactly why I came here.
She walked up to me and gave me exactly what I needed, Allison kissed me and I grabbed her face pulling it closer to mine, kissing her roughly. There was no way I was letting her get away from me with just a simple little kiss no I wanted all of her. She tried to pull away and I dug my fingers deeper into her skin showing her that there was no possible way she could get away from me now.
I pushed Allison forward roughly and shoved her onto the bed getting on top of her. This was all happening much to slow, her clothes should have already been off already. I needed her now and I WOULD get her. Somehow Allison escaped my lips and I almost growled, “Scott! What. Is. Going. On?”
I didn’t care about her stupid question; she tried to fight back, but obviously failed as I ripped her shirt off. Why was she so stupid to think that her protesting could stop me? She was used to this wasn’t she? She was the one accepting it. Oh I’d show her how to accept it. A smirk appeared on my face at the thought and I started to go even faster. She wanted me make her forget that they ever touched her? Perfect, I was about to make her forget anything and everything except for me.
I ripped her bra completely all the way down the middle and threw it to the side almost laughing at her gasp. How could she be surprised? She was the one that wanted this. My tongue glided down her chest and I bit down on her boob as hard as I could. ‘Mmm… She must love this.’ I smirked at my own thought before pulling away and kissed all the way up to her neck roughly. My teeth grazed against her neck and I laughed as she tried to pull herself away. The more she struggled the better I felt.
Quickly, I sat up and ran my hand down her jeans touching her roughly. This was the part I was sure she’d love most. I could make her forget. I could show her how much I loved her. I reached to unbutton her jeans when she began to sob and she yelled at me, “SCOTT Y-YOU’RE HURTING ME!”
My hands immediately stopped and I looked up at her horrified. I pushed myself off of her bed and walked backwards slowly until I hit the wall. I stared in complete horror realizing what I had just done. I pressed myself against the wall and my eyes widened even more. What had I just done? How had I gotten here and why was Allison half naked screaming at me?! What had he done? I looked down at my hands slowly and started to shake. I couldn’t believe that I had just done what I thought I had, I wouldn’t believe it. The tears started to fall down my cheeks as I thought about what I had done.
I noticed something on the floor, something that had been ripped to shreds. It was Allison’s bra and I reached down to pick it up, still not believing what was happening. “D- did- I d- do this?” I whispered to her still shaking. I could barely talk just thinking about it.
“I-I’m…I don’t… I just… I-I” That’s when the flashes of what had happened started to fill my brain.
I couldn’t take this, I dropped to the floor my head in my knees. I tried as hard as I could to get the images of Allison out of my head, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t help but sob. I had just done something that I could never take back. I let the monster take me over and I- The thought was even too painfully for me. I almost raped Allison. I grabbed my hair, pulling it almost ripping it out as I yelled inside my head. I tried to yell out loud but nothing would come out. I was petrified and the sobs grew harder.
Allison would never touch me again, I could never live myself if I ever touched her again. Just like that, I had become one of those men, one of those filthy bastards who had raped my girlfriend. I was exactly the same, we were similar in every way. The only thing was, there was no one here to kill me like I deserved. No, I would have to live with the fact that I almost raped my girlfriend, the person I care most about in this world. How could I be so disgusting? How could I let the monster inside take me over.
He was back that’s all I knew, and I was afraid of one question that I didn’t know the answer to. For how long?
