Allison began to play a song that I had never heard before and I don't think she noticed me. Slowly, I made my way to a chair and say down to watch her play.
"Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn"
I looked down at the floor and felt a tear running down my cheek. Did Allison write the song?
"And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around."
God I hoped she didn't write the song. I thought that I was helping her. I guess what happened earlier proved me wrong on that but I was trying. I never wanted to hurt Allison. She knew that didn't she?
"Our love is questioned, such a mournful sound"
More tears began to fall down my cheeks as I looked back up Allison.
"Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues drawn
But it's always darkest before the dawn"
The song was beautiful, her voice was beautiful, Allison was beautiful. I just wished everything was different, i wished that we were happy. I wanted Allison to be happy more than anything In the world.
"Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
And I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart"
Could Allison restart? Could I restart?
"'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
And given half the chance would I take any of it back
It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone
It's always darkest before the dawn
Oh whoa, oh whoa...
And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road
And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat
'Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me, yeah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa"
I quickly wiped the tears from my cheeks before Allison could turn around and see me. She didn't need to feel worse than I knew she already did. When she turned around and saw me I tried to smile but I just couldn't.
"That song... Did you write it?" I whispered to her.
She smiled slightly which was enough to make me feel slightly better than I did. "No I wish I... I just relate to it."
I wondered how Allison found a song that fit so well. "The lyrics got me thinking you know?"
"You should forgive yourself." Allison took a breath, "For killing those men."
The thought made me feel sick again and the worst part was that I knew she was right. But how could I?
"The lyrics say you can't dance with a devil on your back so shake him off... Well maybe your demons come from that night... You haven't forgiven yourself for killing them... Or not being there in time to save me." I wished that she would stop. I couldn't take the flashes that were appearing in my head. "I know you still blame yourself." She wasn't the only one who wished I didn't.
The flashes needed to stop, "I can't talk about this right now. I'm sorry Allison. It's just that I don't think I could ever do that and I feel like absolute shit for telling everyone what happened to you and the worst part is I'm suspended for two weeks! I won't be able to be there for you when everyone brings it up or looks at you wrong. I keep messing everything up!" I was now desperately trying to hold in my tears. It was all my fault and bowl couldn't even be there to fix it! Why couldn't I just get the courage to hug her tightly, run my hands through her hair and tell her that it will all be okay in the end. I was scared of what she may say and scared of making it worse.
"Scott I'm not going to force you to forgive yourself because I can't. You should though... I don't know how I'm going to survive without you here. I already want to drop out after this girl in the bathroom." She said and I immediately filled up with anger. How stupid could people be? They're all so immature and oblivious.
My head shot up I walked up to Allison taking her hand. "Was somebody already treating you differently?! Fuck them! I'm so tired of people being so fucking stupid and insensitive! Between Isaac and your father and now in school!" I yelled out and kicked down some chairs next to me.
"Scott... Stop you can't get in anymore trouble." She looked at me worried.
"I-" The worlds most annoying sound interrupts me. Coaches whistle.
"McCall! You're not allowed on school grounds unless you're getting your work! Don't make me give you an extra week. You know I will. I don't hesitate giving my players anguish whenever the opportunity comes."
I groan as I walk out of the room trying to keep myself from shifting. Really? I had to leave her. Like that? Without telling her how much a loved her and giving her a hug and a kiss. I know it sounds so cheesy but after what I had done, I just needed to make sure that she wasn't mad at me. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if she felt like she didn't need me anymore. Or like someone else would be better for her ... Like Romeo. Was she scared of me now?
Once I was outside I realized that I took Allison to school and a loud groan came out of my mouth. Great now if have to ask stiles to take her home. So, I pulled out my phone and sent him a text, there was no one I trusted more to take her home than stiles
