It Needs to Happen

Chapter 31

Colleen POV

"Ok Colleen can you give me a push with the next contraction?" the doctor asks. I nod and pull the oxygen mask off. "Babe put it back on" Josh says as he lifts me up. "Its driving me crazy" I say. "Ok good push....1,2,3,4,5..." I hear everyone counting. I gasp as I lay down quickly and then start pushing again. "So good baby. Come on Colleen" Josh says squeezing me. I bear down again and feel Lily moving as everyone counts again. I hear machines going off beside me as I lay back down. So exhausted. "Colleen deep breaths ok? Your heart is weak right now" the doctor says checking my heartbeat. Josh looks sick. "We need this baby out now. Lets do a c-section" the doctor says. "No! Let me get her out" I say. "Couple more minutes and thats it" the doctor says as I start pushing. "Baby listen to the doctor" Josh begs. I don't say anything as I push while screaming. "Thats it. Her head is out Colleen" the doctor says smiling up at me. I nod and push again and feel Lily escaping me as I lay down. "Oh my god! Oh my god!" I hear Josh say. "She is beautiful baby" Josh says as he holds her up for me to see her. I look at her and she looks like a little angel. I can't move my arms as I feel the doctor move up beside me as Josh gets pushed away and they start working on me. "Colleen no!" I hear Josh cry. I close my eyes.

I hear sobbing. I feel Josh holding my hand as I slowly open my eyes. He is laying beside me. "Please baby wake up" he cries. "I am here Josh" I whisper. He sits straight up. My Mom and sister run over to me and grab my hand. "What's going on? Where is Lily?" I ask quietly. "Your heart stopped three days ago after having Lily and you have been unconscious ever since Colleen" Josh says. "Lily is fine. She is perfect" he says. I smile and he kisses my hand. "Your heart is damaged baby" Josh says looking at me. "Having Lily weakened it" he adds. I nod. "So tired" I say. He nods and just looks so lost. "Give me a minute Mom and Rachel" I say to them as they leave the room. "Joshua, I am just tired. You look devastated. We are parents baby" I add rubbing his cheek. He nods and hugs me as I wrap my arms around him. "I want to see her" I say. He nods and walks out and comes back about 10 minutes later rolling in a bassinet. I prop myself up as he lifts her out and passes her to me smiling from ear to ear. "She is so tiny. She looks like her Daddy" I say. Josh nods crying. "I love her Colleen. Thank you for her" he says kissing my lips. "Joshua we both gave each other this gift. She is a miracle" I say soaking in the moment.