Finding Forgiveness {Jerza}

I Am Not Afraid

Jellal's P.O.V

"No, I'm certain I understand quite clearly..." She mumbled through her tears. 

"Erza, please, let me explain-"

"No, Jellal! You say you love me but you're so quick to throw me away, it makes me wonder if those words were genuine," She cried, her fingers pushing into her red hair in frustration.

"Erza, you know I love you. I've always loved you, you heard me last night, didn't you? I wouldn't ever lie to you, Erza. It's because I love you that-" my voice failed me again and tears started to form. I knew what I was going to say next, and everything inside of me didn't want to. "That.." I stalled, looking at the bathroom floor. "...That I should let you go."

The words pierced me as I began to cry again for the second time in front of Erza. How pathetic. These tears were meaningless, anyways. They won't change anything. They won't change the things I've done, or the man I've become. They won't change any of it. So why do I even bother? 

"You're wrong, Jellal..."

"The h-hardest part of this is," I sighed, making a fist on the tile beneath us, "...that I'm not wrong at all.." 

"How c-could you be so certain?" She stuttered, looking up at me with puffy eyes.

"Even just a while ago, when you were talking to Meredy... You said you and I 'would never do something like that'... Erza, you're embarrassed of me... And I don't blame you. Really, I understand. I'd be embarrassed of me, too. And it just made me realize that... A man like me should never unite with a woman like you. A remarkable, beautiful, strong woman who lives and breathes and gives light... I'll never be good enough for you, Erza Scarlet..." 

Unable to look at her, I looked down at the floor and closed my bloodshot, teary eyes. My body felt physically weak; my energy: drained. I felt like I couldn't stand if I tried. All I could feel was the sharpness of my breath entering my lungs, and the miserable beat of my heart. At least I was finally honest with her... No more excuses or lies to cover up why I couldn't be with her. Just the raw truth. Which was that it was my fault, all of it. I'm the reason she's upset, I'm the reason she's crying. I'm the reason she always had to fight alone, and I'm the reason she tosses and turns at night. I'm a monster.

I felt a firm warmth around my wrist. Knowing it was the hand I was so familiar to, I looked up with wide-eyes to see tears still falling down her now emotionless face. No smile, no frown. She then got up, dragging me to my feet as well as she marched us out of the bathroom, and into the bedroom. I followed clumsily, allowing her to continue to pull me along. I kept my other hand on the towel around my hips, as she used her free hand to wipe the tears off of her face. We stood in front of the window we were happily looking out last night, now allowing sunshine to fill the room. Without hesitation, she threw open the window to a busy street of ongoing shoppers. I saw Meredy, across the narrow street, buying fruit. 

"ATTENTION!" She shouted as if she was a drill sergeant. A few dozen people turned to look at the window (Including Meredy, who gasped and covered her mouth), as I turned a bright red, being displayed to the town as half naked. She then slid her hand down my wrist and into my own, intertwining our fingers. I looked at her, completely appalled. She raised our joined hands sternly,

"I WOULD LIKE TO INFORM THE TOWN OF SHIROTSUME THAT I AM IN LOVE WITH JELLAL FERNANDES" She announced proudly. What was she thinking!? There was a series of whistling, before chatter broke out in the street, "Jellal Fernandes... Wait, isn't that the escaped fugitive?" I heard a few citizens say in the distance. I looked back and fourth between them and Erza, before resting my fully expanded eyes on her. 

This woman... Was utterly fearless. I couldn't help it any longer. I disgust myself with how easily my self control fades when I'm around Erza. I swiftly pulled her body into mine, with one hand on her waist and the other on her face. She, herself, looked surprised as I smiled weakly at her, a tear falling from my eye. So this is what it feels like to be loved.

I pressed my lips against hers, forgetting my self-hatred for the time-being. She kissed back passionately, and I felt my heart skip a beat. The people on the streets below didn't know what to think at this point. I heard a loud, recognizable whistle from below, and we both ended the kiss to look at where the noise surfaced. Meredy was giggling and waving from below, "I knew it!" She called cheerfully, "Now go put some clothes on, Jellal!" 

Erza and I laughed at Meredy's comment; Erza waved back happily, while I nervously smiled and scratched the back of my head.

 It's selfish of me to take my problems out on Erza... And I suppose I did that, in a way. I know now, that her heart is not something to be played with. She truly loves me, and I truly love her. It's time I become a better person; with and for her. I realized this, and felt something inside of me I thought I lost a long time ago...

I felt a spark of hope.

We closed the window, and sat on the bed together soundly. I grasped her hand in mine, enjoying the soft quality it had to it.

"You... Really are remarkable, Erza," I smiled at her, completely proven wrong by her actions a moment ago. She smiled back before looking at her knees. I softly kissed her cheek, causing her to blush a light pink.

"Thank you... You're an idiot, though"

"I know..."

"You worry me, Jellal. You don't understand..."

"...Understand what?" I asked intently,

"You don't understand that there isn't a replacement for you anywhere," She removed her gaze from her legs to my eyes, "I could never have started a family with someone else... Because my heart belongs to you. I've never given up on you, Jellal. And I don't plan on doing so any time soon."

"You're the sweetest thing this world has ever known," I said with new-found happiness.

"Oh, stop," She said as she blushed and looked away with a smile.

There was only one thing left to do.

"Erza, this may sound a bit late but... Will you officially be mine?"

"Of course, you weirdo," she sighed jokingly as she gave my hand a squeeze.

A smile quickly spread widely across my face as I let go of her hand and sprung forward to hug her. I held her in my arms, knowing for a fact that she was mine. I heard her giggle from under me, and I couldn't have asked for anything more perfect. After a while, I felt her finger poke my abdomen. 

"Umm, Jellal?" 

"Yes?" I replied, pulling slightly out of the hug to look at her face, which was red and wide-eyed as she looked away from me. She motioned me to look down. As I did, I saw the towel I had around my hips had significantly dropped, exposing me in the most humiliating way.

"OH," I shouted loudly. I immediately turned a deep red and fumbled to raise the towel and cover myself while jumping off of Erza. "I AM SO SORRY," I said while standing up and backing away quickly, "I'm gonna go--"

"Yup!" She said, not moving a muscle and unable to look at me. Her face matched my own; now resembling burgundy.

"I'm so sor--"

"A-huh!"

"I'm gonna go now--"

"Mhm!"

I stumbled into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I pressed my back against the door and facepalmed in complete shame. 'I'm gonna be a gentleman! I'm gonna be courteous! I'm not gonna do anything stupid!' I mentally mocked myself; what a joke.