Race to the Finish

Race to the Finish chp. 63

What doesn't kill you makes you wish you were dead

Those words echoed in my mind as the image of her soft brown hair, shining honey colored eyes, and that smile that made her face light up flashed through my mind.

Something I will never see again.

Pain that deep is worse than being dead... worse than not breathing, not seeing, not feeling.

It is torturous.

It kills you without taking you away.

It kills you while keeping you breathing and conscious.

It plagues your mind leaving you without an escape.

The thing I envy the most about other people is that they can get away from me. They can walk away without having to deal with me or my taunting thoughts.

I am stuck with my thoughts.

I am stuck with memories of her.

I am stuck with the pain that tears my heart apart piece by piece without any remorse.

It should have been me. She didn't deserve to go that way.

I want to see her again.

I want to be with her again.

There's only one way to do it... one way to have her again with me...

But unfortunately it didn't happen.

I was so close.

I could've been with her.

But no... I got to the hospital right on time to be saved.

No, not saved, more like detained from being truly free.

I heard shuffling from beside me then a sigh.

"Please wake up, A. I can't lose you too... I need you. I don't think I could go on without you..."

A choked sobbed came after.

That's the thing. I didn't want to 'wake up'. I didn't want to open my eyes. I wanted to be gone. I wanted to never open my eyes again. I wanted to see her again and never have to lose her again.

But I couldn't keep up my act... my act of being dead only because I wished for it.

When a warm hand closed around mine and the silent cries echoed around the room along with the beeping of a machine, I knew I had to stop their pain... even if I wanted yet couldn't to stop mine.

If I can't stop mine... at least for now... then I wanted to stop his because he didn't deserve to feel the same way I did. Out of everyone he didn't deserve that, especially if I was the cause.

I tried opening my eyes, but they felt like heavy bricks were weighing them down and I couldn't force them to open. My body felt stiff and every muscle in my body ached.

I needed to do something to tell him I was still here... that I haven't left him yet.

My finger twitched in my failed attempt to hold his hand. He froze for a second and I'm assuming he's debating whether he actually felt my finger twitch or if it was just his imagination.

I wanted to tell him it wasn't. I wanted to tell him I was here with him.

But my mouth felt like deadpool's in the x-men origins: wolverine movie; sewn shut.

I tried moving my hand again or making my finger twitch again and after a minute or so I was able to move my hand so slightly I wasn't sure he even saw it.