“Jo?’ I asked, clearly confused. Her body weight was balanced on the two crutches. I looked down and saw that her ankle was wrapped up. Jo was casually dressed. I’m used to her dressing extremely fancy or just lazy.
She had on a pair of floral jeans, a sweater, and a jean coat over it. Her hair was put up in a messy bun. Jo was wearing a pair of lace-up, tan boots, well, more like one boot, since her ankle was wrapped up. She had on a bit of mascara and eyeliner, but that was it for the makeup.
“Hey Niall,” Jo casually replied. Her tone made it sound like there was nothing wrong with her, even though she was propped up on a pair of crutches.
“Um, anything happen to you? I motioned to her crutches and wrapped up ankle. Jo looked down to see what I was talking about. She seriously had to look down to see what was wrong?
“Oh, right!” Jo exclaimed, “I kind of was working on my next movie. We were working on stage fighting, and I kind of got hurt…” she admitted. My eyes widened, “Someone broke your ankle when you were stage fighting?”
Jo shook her head, “No, no one hurt me. I was walking towards the mat we were going to practice on, but I tripped over the edge. That caused me to fall on my ankle in an awkward way and I twisted my ankle.”
I bit my lip, trying to hold in all my laughter, but that didn’t help. I burst out in hysterical laughter, leaning against the door frame for support. Jo was looking at me with an annoyed look, but after about a minute, the shadow of a smile formed on her face.
I finally stopped laughing and let out a breath, “Well, I could actually see you doing that,” I replied, still leaning against the door frame. Jo smirked, “I could see you doing that, too,” she backfired. I laughed, “I see your point.”
“So, you didn’t have to work on the movie today because of your ankle?” I asked, motioning towards her injured ankle. Jo nodded, “Yeah, I have a couple days off, so I thought I could come meet your family.”
“You know you didn’t have to.”
“I want to,” Jo argued, “Is it so hard for you to get that across your head?”
I shrugged and laughed, “I guess so.”
“If they are as nice and funny as you, this ought to be fun for me,” Jo said, adding a smile. I felt my heart ignite when she just complimented me. Her smile caused my skin to feel like it was tingling. She has such an effect on me.
“Well, if you want…” I trailed off and motioned for her to walk inside.
Jo walked inside and I followed closely behind her.
Once I closed the front door behind me, I led Jo into the living room. Everyone’s eyes were on Jo and me.
“Oh, Mum, Dad, Denise, this is Jo,” I introduced Jo to everyone. I saw their eyes dart from Jo back to me. Shit, they think we’re dating, “My friend,” I quickly added. Jo smiled making the room light up, well in my eyes at least, “Hi,” she cheerfully greeted them.
“Hi Jo, it’s nice to meet you,” my mum politely greeted her, “So, are you and Niall dating?”
I mentally face palmed. Why does everyone ask that? I glanced over at Jo to see how she’s going to play it off.
Jo nervously laughed, trying to cover that awkward moment, “No, Niall and I are just friends. I have a boyfriend.
Can she stop bringing up her boyfriend? Just the mention of him causes jealousy to pump through my veins, filling up my body. Jealousy is such a powerful emotion that can be hard to control. Somehow I’ve been doing really well at covering it up.
“Wait a minute, are you Jo Levon?” Denise asked. Jo smiled and nodded, “Yep, that would be me,” she answered proudly. Denise’s mouth dropped open, “I can’t believe I’m actually meeting you! I love all the movies you’re in!”
Jo smiled bashfully, “Thank you,” she replied. I led Jo over to the couches, motioning for her to sit down. I took a risk and sat down beside her. Mum turned back to talking to Jo, “What happened to your ankle, dear?” Mum asked. I guess my mum is feeling awfully open today, asking anyone anything.
“Oh, well, I kind of tripped when I was about to work on some stage fighting,” Jo admitted, sounding a bit embarrassed. Mum quietly laughed, “Well, that has to be one of the most interesting ways to get hurt.”
Jo laughed, “Yeah, I guess so.”
I could feel the awkward again. No one knew what to say, and the air was tense. I knew they were all staring at me again, minus Jo. They were thinking about how much they hate me. They were mentally cursing me out for killing Greg. And, I happened to be doing the same thing.
I continued to think up all these awful cuss words directed towards myself. I am such a horrible person. No one will ever be able to understand how powerful my self-hatred is. I barely understand it myself.
I was hoping that Jo would be able to help me with this when I invited her. What was I thinking? It’s making everything worse! I’m worried that I will end up spilling everything out and Jo will know all my secrets. My secrets are meant to be hidden; they will just push Jo away from me.
What would happen if I told them? What would be the worst thing that could possibly happen? All those feelings would finally be lifted off my shoulders. People would feel sympathy for me… Do I want sympathy? I don’t even know anymore. I just want to let out all these built up feelings.
I was about to open my mouth to pour everything out when Jo interrupted, “So, do you guys get to see Niall a lot?” Jo awkwardly asked, stopping me from saying anything.
What Jo said gave me like a second chance. I could rethink my decision. Do I really want to tell them everything? Maybe I will get sympathy, but why do I want sympathy? I don’t deserve it, I caused Greg to die. They would put me in therapy, and soon the whole world would find out about my depression. I know that wouldn’t go down well.
“Lately, we haven’t been able to, we haven’t seen Niall as much,” Dad replied. Jo glanced at me for a second before turning her attention back to my dad, “Why not?”
“I don’t know…” Dad mumbled, “We need to hang out more, don’t we, Niall?” he asked. I pulled on a fake smile, “Yeah we do, that would be fun.” Lies.
I saw Jo’s eyes on me. What was she thinking? Did I say something weird? I don’t want her to think of me bad. I so badly wanted to connect my eyes with her. I wanted to know what emotion was hiding under her beautiful hazel eyes, but I didn’t have the guts to.
Jo turned away and concentrated on my family, “So, how have you all been?” I could tell that Jo was desperate to make conversation. She doesn’t realize how broken my family is. We can barely talk to each other. That’s why they don’t ever see me anymore.
“We’ve been fine, it’s just been lonely around here lately,” mum admitted. Please, don’t talk about Greg again, Mum. Just drop it for now and move onto another subject. Stop making Jo feel awkward around us. Make her feel normal and don’t talk about Greg.
“It’s been lonely at my house, too,” Denise admitted, “I’ve been visiting my family and along with Bob and Marla, too. I’ve been keeping busy with Theo and searching for a job, too. It’s hard without Greg.”
And there it is. Now Greg is involved in this conversation.
I looked over to see that Denise and Theo were in the front row. Denise began loudly sobbing, while clutching onto her son. Mum took Theo from her arms and then Denise fell to the ground sobbing, “Greg!” she sobbed, “Greg, come back!”
The terrifying flashback of Denise replayed in my mind. She hasn’t recovered. Who would ever be able to recover from losing their newly wed husband? I bet she cries every night. She clings onto Theo and stands above his crib, rocking him back and forth in her arms, as tears stream down her face. She tries to hold them back, but more memories of Greg replays in her mind. Then, she secretly wishes it was me instead. She doesn’t mean to, but the thought enters her head. She hasn’t recovered at all. She tries to remain strong, but it’s impossible.
My body tensed up. I could hear Denise talking about Greg in the background, but I had tried to block out her voice. My fists were clenching, as I tried to hold everything in. My teeth pressed against each other, causing my lips to form a straight line.
I let out a shaky breath, and then I turned to see everyone looking at me. I looked at them confused, “What?” I managed out. I’m surprised I was able to say that without my voice shaking.
“Niall, are you doing okay with dealing with Greg’s death?” Mum asked.
No, of course not. I have nightmares most nights. I can’t stop thinking about him. None of you saw the fear in his eyes right before he crashed into the car. None of you were in the car with him the day of the crash. None of you regretted every day you wake up.
“Niall?” Mum repeated my name. I can’t do this, “Can you excuse me?” I muttered under my breath, pulling me to my feet. I headed towards the kitchen, which was next door. I heard Mum say something quietly to Jo, “I shouldn’t have said anything… Niall had trouble talking about Greg.”
“… I think I’m going to talk to him,” Jo told my mum. No, I don’t want to break down in front of Jo. That’s my worst nightmare. I can’t embarrass myself in front of her. I just want to be normal for her. I want to be the one that comforts her, rather than her comfort me.
“Hey Niall,” I heard Jo’s quiet voice behind me. I stared at the numbers on the digital clock. I didn’t want to turn around. I stared at the numbers, waiting for them to change, proving that time hasn’t stopped when Jo stood behind me.
“Niall?” Jo asked again, I heard the small noise of her boot hitting the floor as she took a step closer to me. Don’t turn around, Niall. You could cry.
“You shouldn’t be embarrassed about being scared,” Jo whispered. I immediately turned around by her statement, “I’m not scared, Jo,” I said, my voice was close to wavering, thankfully, it wasn’t shaky. I dug my nails into my palms, continuing my technique of holding everything in.
“I didn’t say you were,” Jo pointed out. I didn’t know what to say, so I just fell silent again. Jo nervously bit the inside of her cheek, trying to figure out what to say to me, “You know, it isn’t safe to hold in all your secrets.”
“I could say the same to you,” I backfired.
The usual silence filled the kitchen again. I glanced over at the living room, which was right in front of the kitchen. Mum, Dad, and Denise were completely silent. My eyes fell back on Jo, who was desperately trying to think of what she should say to me, “Your mum said that you couldn’t talk about Greg... But, you told me everything about your brother’s death.”
*
“Niall, I heard your brother died,” Jo, said looking up at me with her brownish-green eyes. The mention of my brother caused me to fall silent. No, not him. I didn’t want Greg to brought up on this perfect day. I simply nodded, “Yeah, he died.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Jo answered, looking at the gravel again. I shook my head, “No, don’t be. I don’t want people to be sorry. It’s not like you killed him or anything.” I did, I killed him.
“Yeah, I guess that’s true,” Jo mumbled, staring at the gravel. I found myself looking at her, instead of the ground. Jo stared at the gravel, as she spoke, “I don’t mean to be rude, but what happened?”
I closed my eyes and turned my head away from her. When I reopened them, I decided to tell Jo, “He died in a car accident,” I answered. Jo looked up at me again and nodded, as if to tell me to continue. “W-Well, I was in the car… Another car missed the light, so it sped through, and at that moment, Greg drove the car forward. The car hit Greg’s side and I-I saw the fear in his eyes, right before it hit. The car instantly killed Greg, but not me. I found out later in the hospital…”
*
I did tell her… How was I able to tell her? I looked at Jo confused. It wasn’t because I was confused by her, I was confused by myself. Why was I able to tell her?
Are you an idiot? Obviously you told her because you’re in love with her! You feel like you can trust her, no, you don’t want to hide anything from her. Yet, you still hide your biggest secrets from her.
“I-I don’t know,” I stuttered out. Jo nodded, realizing that I wouldn’t be able to figure it out myself. What she doesn’t know is that I already have.
“You know, you don’t have to say anything you don’t want to say, but when you want to talk… you can always talk to me. I will always listen,” Jo told me. I looked into her Hazel eyes. She was serious, she really does care.
I nodded, “Thanks, same with you, Jo,” I told her. She simply nodded, “Can you go back in now?”
I nodded again and then we walked back over to my family.
Eh, sort of a filler. I know how long the next few will be. Well, this book is 100 pages on quotev… I don’t even know how… but it’s 14 chapters and over 100 pages… Okay, well, comment, follow, and vote! Bye lovelies
~Lydia ♥
