“E-Emily… you actually thought that I’d just take advantage of you like that?” I had turned around, so my front side was pressed against the door. I absorbed every word my girlfriend said. And, I wanted her to take in everything I said.
“U-Um, I don’t know,” she mumbled, “You acted like that’s what you wanted.”
“Well, it’s not. I just want us to have a relationship we both enjoy, not something that one of us hates. You shouldn’t be scared to tell me something that’s bothering you. I want to be the person you can talk to,” I told Emily. The room fell silent again. Finally, I could pick up her voice, “It’s embarrassing. I don’t think you’ve ever dated a girl like me, have you?”
“No, I haven’t, but why would I want to?” I inquired.
“Because they could give you what you want…” Emily muttered, embarrassed by what we were talking about. It was funny how she couldn’t even say the word. But, I really did not like her opinion of me. Does she think that’s all I’m into?
“Emily, not all guys use girls, you know. I’m not like that, I promise you. I love you and can understand that’s not what you want. I want us to be better at communicating. We can barely tell each other anything.”
“Okay, why in the world were you lying on a hotel bed in barely any clothes?” Emily asked. I almost laughed because I realized what I must have looked like to her, “Sorry, I kind of forgot to bring other clothes, and I wasn’t in the mood to wear jeans to bed.”
“Warn me or something next time,” she joked. I had almost forgot that the door separated us, “Emily, can you come out of the bathroom now?”
“Okay,” she replied. I quickly moved away from the door, so I wasn’t pressed up against it. Emily’s wet hair rested upon her shoulders. Her face was wet, so I couldn’t tell if she had been crying or if it was from the shower. She had pulled her sweatshirt sleeves down, so they were covering her hands. Her cheeks were tinted red, as she stared at me, “U-Um, yeah, I didn’t really bring-” I started.
“I don’t mind, Niall,” Emily replied, heading over to her bed. I guess we can’t sleep together. No, I mean fall asleep in the same bed together! Wow, now I’m even trying to filter my thoughts.
“I guess we’re going to bed then,” I mumbled, climbing into bed.
Part of me was hoping that Emily would want to sleep in the same bed as me. The other, more logical, half of me knew that she wouldn’t want to. I made myself look like some horny guy. I didn’t mean to… I didn’t even know I had come off that way.
Suddenly, a knew thought flew into my brain, no, a realization, “Wait, I was your first kiss?” I randomly asked.
I could hear the ruffling of sheets as Emily tried to position herself correctly in bed. There was a paused. I glanced over at Emily to see she was nodding as an answer. She was biting her lip, like she was trying to not cry.
“Emily… I’m sorry,” I breathed out. I couldn’t even access all the emotional damage I must have caused on her. Imagine your first kiss being with a guy who was just so desperately in need of love that he was ready to kiss the first girl he came in contact with. And, the worst part was that I tried to make out with her. It wasn’t a sweet, perfect first kiss. It was a horny guy so in need of love that he shoved his tongue down a virgin’s throat. What the hell is wrong with me?
“It’s over now,” she whispered. I won’t ever be able to fix my mistake. I won’t be able to take back what I did to her. I wish I would’ve given her an amazing first kiss. I was hoping that it would’ve been everything she had ever wanted.
My hands wiped down my face, “Damn,” I cursed at myself, “I’m really sorry, love. I really messed up. I ruined your first kiss and didn’t even respect your boundaries. I wish I could take back what I did…”
“My first kiss was with you, that’s one way to look at it,” Emily pointed out.
I was still staring at Emily from my bed as she stared at the ceiling. Her hair looked like flames against the white of her pillow. Her arms lay on top of the duvet, while the rest of her body was covered. Her eyelids closed, her eyelashes brushing against her cheek.
I turned so I was lying on my back again. The duvet covered my body. I felt cold, so I wrapped the covers tightly around myself. It didn’t seem to help at all. I let out a sigh, annoyed.
Suddenly, the noise of the sheets ruffling snapped me away from my thoughts. I looked to my left to see Emily pulling herself out of bed.
She’s probably heading to the bathroom, I thought. I closed my eyes again, hoping that sleep would consume me. But, instead, the bed shifted.
My eyes reopened and I saw Emily climbing into my bed. I stared at her, confused, “Scoot over,” she commanded. I did that without question. I don’t know why I didn’t ask; I just was glad that she was lying with me.
We both laid together in my ed. We were close, but our bodies weren’t touching. Emily was staring up at the ceiling again, and I had to do the same. It felt way too awkward, right now. It almost reminded me of the time when Jo slept in the same bed as me.
“I know what I said wasn’t what you expected of me, but I don’t like this. Can’t we just go back to the way things were rather than having you too scared to say or do anything that might offend me?”
I nodded, liking her idea, “Sorry, I was just a little nervous after all that,” I replied. We laid in silence for a minute again, and then Emily spoke up, “Niall, I want you to wrap your arms around me like you usually do when we’re together.”
I didn’t say anything in reply; I just wrapped my arms around her, pulling her up to my body. Emily relaxed against my body, her hands now placed on top of mine. I kissed her neck from behind. Her back was pressed against my front.
Emily turned around so we were facing. She leaned in and pressed her lips against mine. Our lips moved in sync, creating that amazing feeling in my stomach. We pulled away and Emily rested her head against my chest. I held her in my arms and soon, the noise of her steady breathing lulled me to sleep.
