So, I guess today is the big day. It's weird to think that a day I've been dreading for three months can be so normal. I would think that the sky would be gray and stormy, but it's sunny and warm out.
I stared at my reflection blankly. I couldn't feel anything now; my body was numb. When I move, I wonder if it will feel like millions of needles are poking into my skin. I want to know that if I move, whether or not I'll feel something. I don't know what is right to feel anymore.
My feelings have been so mixed up lately. I was thinking that maybe I should spend more time with Jo before Asher got out, but I never did. Worry that something would go wrong fueled my doubts and I finally decided to just not speak to Jo for a little. The scary thing is that I may never be able to spend time with her again.
I bit my lip and stared down at my shoes. Today was a big day and I just wasn't ready. Too much had happened in too little of time and I didn't have any time to prepare.
Suddenly, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my torso from behind. I let out a deep breath and placed my hands over the hands that were placed on my chest. She intertwined her fingers with mine from behind.
"Everything will be fine, Niall," Emily whispered into my shirt from behind. I could feel her warm breath through the fibers of my shirt. The warmth was comforting.
"If only that were certain," I mumbled.
"Hope is our best friend," Emily pointed out. I slightly smiled, "I guess so. Looks like I haven't seen my best friend for a while. He better show up today."
"I'm sure he will," Emily whispered. She kissed my neck from behind. I turned around and unhooked her arms from my waist. I smiled at my girlfriend and kissed the top of her head, "Thank you, babe."
"I'm always here for you," Emily's small voice drifted into my ear. Her bright eyes connected with mine and soon our eyes weren't the only things connected.
We pulled away from the kiss and intertwined our fingers.
"We should head off soon," I mumbled.
"Are you sure you're ready?"
I nodded. I felt fully confident this time. Confidence was a new feeling for me. My mind has been so pessimistic that confidant was a pride that vanished in thin air. I missed it.
"Let's go then," Emily cheerfully said, leading me out the door.
*
The driver of our car pulled up in front of the court. It certainly felt like a deja vu moment from three month ago. But, this time my anxiety has lessened. Unfortunately, it isn't completely gone, though.
