My heart dropped deep into my stomach and I could barely breathe, but at the same time I couldn't look away from the scene. Another minute passed and I couldn't look anymore. I ran away from the scene and towards the door.
I stomped towards my car and got in, immediately starting the engine and pulling away from her house.
The drive home was horrible. I couldn't get the imagine out of my head and all I wanted was for her to love me, but Asher was too much of a part in her life, how could I have ever thought that I'd be more important to her?
I gripped the steering wheel the whole way home and I just wanted to throw up. My blood was boiling, but I didn't feel mad, I just wanted to. Jealously was no longer a feeling, it became a part of me that I couldn't push away. Everything began to fall apart again.
I got out of the car once I reached my house, slamming the door behind me. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't feel sadness or pity for Jo anymore, I just felt rage that I couldn't express. I wanted to scream, but I wanted to stay silent at the same time. My feelings were contradicting one another.
I walked inside, loudly slamming the door behind me, trying to make a large scene that no one would see. The house became way to silent, but it wouldn't last long, because I wanted to make so much noise that Jo would be able to hear.
How could she do that to me? I was so in love with her and I even let her talk about Asher because I wanted her to slowly get over him on her own pace, but no, she just couldn't get over him. How could I have ever thought otherwise?
I picked up one of the pillows from the couch and threw it against the wall, causing it to make a soft 'thud' noise before dropping to the ground. I wanted to throw something against the wall that would shatter and create a loud noise.
I stomped into the kitchen and opened the fridge, searching for some glass bottle. My eyes scanned the fridge and landed on the bottles of beer in the door. I grabbed four and headed back to the living room.
I opened up the bottle and sat down on the couch. I stared at the blank TV as I took larbe gulps of alcohol. I wanted to get so drunk that I wouldn't feel anything anymore because everything I felt was pain. The pain is so powerful now.
It felt like she had ripped down my boundaries and made me worship her. Jo never felt the same way, she just seemed to enjoy my vulnerability that she could use to make her feel better and then kick me to the curb.
I let out a loud groan and aggressively pushed all the contents off the coffee table, causing a mess on the floor and not a loud enough noise. I finished off the first bottle and ripped open another.
The drinks slowly disappeared along with my conscious. Anger boiled over and I picked up one of the empty bottles and threw it against the wall, creating a loud shattering noise, followed with the dispersing of millions of glass pieces.
I took another drink of beer before throwing another against the wall. I loved the rigid noise and the broken glass that followed after the crash. It looked as though pieces of my sharp heart were scattered beneath the stain on the wall. A trail of beer rolled down the wall, reminding me of tears.
The walls turned black and the stains turned red. My mind was becoming a nightmare, a monster I couldn't run away from. It was scary to be able to see my worst horrors come to life in my head. What do you do if you cannot escape?
