“What is wrong?” I asked, once we were outside of the prison. Jo leaned against the wall, not wanting to go any farther, “I just don’t want to be in there,” she grumbled.
“I’m not preventing you,” I backfired. I glanced at her to see she wasn’t in the mood for talking. She looked distant as she stared at the bustling city streets. Her arms were crossed over her chest, trying to keep her cold body warm.
I wasn’t sure if I should say something or not. I didn’t like the silence that could be heard through the city. But, I didn’t know what to say to her. Jo had a very unusual personality. She’s so mysterious and I can’t ever figure out how she’ll react to something.
“Can I ask you a favor?” Jo asked.
I was thankful that she spoke up first. She was now looking me in the eyes with those piercing hazel eyes. When Jo looked at you, it felt like she knew everything and you would get nowhere from talking to her. Her lips were parted slightly as she anticipated an answer.
“Of course,” I replied. No, it was more like I had breathed out the answer. I wanted to hear Jo speak again. Just listening to her was interesting. She always had things to say that make you think.
“I need to go somewhere… but I can’t be there alone,” her voice was soft. Wait a minute, does she sound scared? She seems timid now, not her usual over confident attitude, she’s so good at pulling off. What if it is all an act?
I imagined that girl hunched in the corner as the man she was in love with tortured her. Her desperate need for love fueled the memory. I could see the injuries on her body that I normally overlooked; they were so prominent now. How can something so important be so easily overlooked?
Is Jo really that confident girl she appears to be on the outside? She’s so good at confusing you, but the truth is… she’s so scared. Putting on a brave face is her way to deal with it.
“Where is it?” I asked.
“Um…” Jo began. She didn’t seem so keen on the idea of revealing the location so soon, “Well, I can’t tell you right away. Just… just drive behind me and then we’ll be there together. You won’t be able to back out so quickly that way.”
I sighed, “Fine, let’s go.”
I don’t know why I didn’t deny her request or beg her to tell me. Something told me that I needed to go. Jo needed me there; yeah for once she needed me. I don’t need her.
*
The moment I pulled up, I knew it was a bad idea. At the same time, something pulled me closer to it. I wanted to throw open the door and relive each memory with Jo.
I had pulled up in front of Jo and Asher’s second house. Or is it their first? This one seems more important, so I’ll make it their first. This was the house where I found out Asher had been abusing Jo. I beat up Asher, letting everything out. This house was branded inside of me. I won’t ever be able to forget everything that happened here no matter how hard I try.
I got out of the car once Jo did. I saw her staring at the silent house surrounded by the big city. No, I think the big city is surrounding the house.
Jo walked over to me, “Sorry for not telling you before, but I knew what you’d say if I told you first. I just needed to come here to solve things with myself, but I was too scared to come alone.”
“Are we even allowed to?” I asked. Jo shrugged, “I don’t know, and I don’t care. Since when have we ever played by the rules?”
“Good point,” I said and then headed towards the house.
The driveway was falling apart. Pavement had turned into gravel. I could see that the grass was overgrown; no one had bothered to touch this place. I wonder if everyone else can feel the force field around it, too.
I could hear the gravel drilling into the ground as soon as my foot hit that area. The cold late February air blew threw the holes of my sweatshirt. I stuffed my hands in my pocket as I headed towards the door.
“You coming?” I heard Jo asked.
I looked up to see that she was already standing in front of the door. Her hair was windswept, causing her cheeks to have some life in them. She usually looked so dead; I liked this accidental look.
“Is the door locked?” I asked. Jo crouched down on the floor and partially lifted up the doormat. She pulled out a metal object that I was able to identify as a key, “Not for long.”
She stuck the key in the lock and turned it. I felt the anticipation rising as I waited for the door to open up. She turned the key and pushed the door open.
I was expecting more when the door opened. The ghosts of my nightmares would come flying out, hitting me hard each time. I was expecting something to hurt me. I was expecting my brain to explode. But… none of that happened. Nothing happened.
“Come on,” Jo motioned for me to follow after her.
The house hadn’t changed from last time. I could still remember my faint description when I first entered:
I looked around the house. It was covered in trash. Broken items were strewn over the messed up living room. I think it’s a living room…
The couch was covered with a couple blankets. A pillow was torn and a couple feathers were strewn over the floor. I took a slow step towards the stairs. I could tell the noise was coming from up there. I heard something crack beneath my feet. I immediately lifted up my foot to see that I had stepped on glass.
I wonder what the glass was. I knew I shouldn’t be going to extremes, but I couldn’t help but wonder if it was the glass of a beer bottle. But, it’s not like I had the nerve to ask Jo if Asher drank.
I felt like I was reliving the moment again. I could hear the screams coming up from upstairs. I couldn’t block them out. I could feel my body cringing as I heard Asher screaming at Jo before something crashed.
I was tempted to walk towards the stairs. I couldn’t stop myself, until Jo spoke up, “Niall, where are you going?” she called from a few feet away. I turned around and saw her looking at me confused, “Sorry,” I mumbled.
Jo didn’t say anything; she just kept wandering around the room. I joined her, walking a few feet behind her. Jo’s finger traced each item. I wonder if she was remembering.
“You see this?” Jo pointed to the couch. I nodded, because Jo paused, “Asher made me sleep there when he didn’t want sex.”
I shifted my position. I felt uncomfortable. I didn’t expect her to be so blunt. She never spoke of this before. I didn’t know what to say to her. Should I act like this is a normal conversation? I don’t know if I can.
Jo didn’t care whether or not I would reply. She walked further into the room and picked up a stack of papers, “It’s my last script,” she mumbled to herself, flipping through the pages, “I would practice it here…”
She tossed it to the ground again and walked out of the room. I briskly followed her up the stairs. My heart started beating faster as each step increased. I heard the stairs creaking under each step. I could tell this house wasn’t in the best of shape; it’s been worn down.
She headed into the bedroom where I had found them.
I felt like I had stepped into another world. It felt different from outside of the house. I was pulled in here, no sucked in here. I think that I was meant to come back here. Why didn’t I realize that sooner?
“I don’t like this room,” Jo whispered.
I turned around and saw her staring at the ground. Her hair covered the sides of her face. I was worried what I would see when she looked up. I was scared of her right now.
I took a step closer, though. Fear is such a compelling force; I couldn’t hold back.
“Niall…” she breathed out my name. The sound of it coming off of her lips was beautiful. I had never heard my name whispered so beautifully. I wanted to hear her repeat it. I wanted to absorb each letter.
I took another step closer.
Jo’s arms made an ‘X’ over her chest. Her small hands balled in fists and her eyes were closed. She mouthed something that I couldn’t understand. She reopened her eyes, “I feel everything.”
I could understand, that’s the weird thing. I knew what she meant; I could feel it, too. The presence of someone else was in here, but I knew they wouldn’t ever be visible. Another soul lives here, no… two.
“Does it hurt?” I asked her. I couldn’t believe I was taking another step closer.
She nodded and bit her lip, “A-A lot,” her voice was hoarse. She unraveled her arms from her chest and stared at the wooden ground. It must hurt to be pushed to the hardwood floor.
“I-It hurts so much!” she yelled.
Her voice echoed off of the walls. It filled the room and I could feel the souls scatter for a moment before slowly drifting back in. They couldn’t keep away… no one could.
Jo pressed her fists against her stomach, like she wanted to throw up a mess of emotions. She squeezed her eyes shut and mouthed something again. It was like she was about to burst. How long would she hold it in?
Jo reopened her eyes, “N-Niall… it hurts,” she whispered.
“I know,” I answered. Jo looked up at me. I couldn’t tell if she was shocked or not, “How can we make it go away?” she whispered.
“We can’t.”
Jo’s eyes widened in realization. How did she not know before? Some things you can’t hide.
“You have to let it in,” I said. I think I’m whispering now. I can’t tell anymore. I can’t feel anything, but Jo. I’m taking her into me. My body just can’t avoid her anymore; she’s too powerful.
“I-I can’t!” she cried, her eyes closing again. She backed up clumsily. She isn’t afraid of falling anymore. She hit the wall and her knees bent, trying to balance herself. She needed more than balance.
“Jo, I know it hurts, but you can’t let him hurt you anymore. You can’t let him damage you anymore than you already are. You don’t deserve that. You have to stand up to him; you need to be stronger. I know it’s so damn hard, but you have to hold on a little longer. You feel like you’re going to burst, but just hold on a little more.”
I said all that in a single breath. My words flew out of my mouth like I had been meaning to say them for so long. I couldn’t believe I had come up with something like that to say to her.
“N-Niall, I know you aren’t just a person,” she whispered, finally staring at me, “Y-You’re something more, much more.”
“Do you feel it?” I whispered. Jo couldn’t tear her eyes away from mine, “What do you mean?” she just wanted to hear me say it. I wasn’t scared to say it, though.
“I feel you,” I whispered.
I had stopped controlling myself ever since I walked in here. I was going to be myself for once. I was sick of being Niall Horan. I wanted to be whatever had been trapped deep inside Niall for so long.
“I feel it, Niall. I really do,” she whispered. Is that tears I see in her eyes?
“I need something more,” I whispered. I was closer to her now than I had ever been before. I could almost feel her already. Our bodies were but an inch apart, and I loved the connection.
“Go ahead.”
With that, I increased the connection, pressing my lips against hers.
And it only took over 300 pages.
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~Lydia♥
