"Niall?" Zayn said once Jo led him into the room, "What happened to you?"
I was at a loss for words. I couldn't create a way to break the news to one of my best friends. He had no idea how bad my mental state was, so how can I just come out and say it?
"Niall, tell him," Jo encouraged. Zayn glanced between Jo and me.
Everything began to rush into my head once I closed my eyes for but a split second. I was reminded of the time when I yelled at the boys. I remembered my intense jealousy. Why could they have it so easy and I have it so hard?
"Niall?" Zayn repeated my name.
"I tried to kill myself," I immediately said once Zayn said my name.
The room fell into a deadly silence.
"W-What...?" Zayn finally stuttered out.
"I just told you, I'm not going to repeat it," I snapped. Jo shot me a look and I didn't even respond, "So now you know. What are you going to say about it? Jo was already pissed."
"I was not mad," Jo backfired, but then fell silent.
"Why didn't you tell me...?" Zayn whispered. I stared at the sheets, "Look, I didn't tell anyone... even Jo didn't know."
"Why is Jo so important to you?" he asked, "The boys and I have spent over four years together nearly nonstop and now you're just obsessed with Jo! I didn't even know that you wanted to kill yourself... I didn't even know you were depressed!"
"I just told you that no one knew... I didn't want anyone to know," I muttered.
"Why not?" Zayn managed out. Every word that slipped his parted lips seemed to take way too much effort. My mental state was nearly killing him. I felt bad, but there was no way that I would show it.
"I-I couldn't tell you!" I finally exclaimed, knowing that it sounded stupid, "I had tried so hard to hide it so I wouldn't look stupid. I have everything in the world, yet I felt sad, but I couldn't stop feeling depressed. After Greg's death everything became dark and I wanted it to just stop, but I just couldn't ask for help. Everything started adding up and I couldn't handle it... and then this happened."
"And this became your only solution?"
I fell silent because I knew it sounded stupid. It seemed so good and planned out in my head. Now everything seemed rushed and over-exaggerated. I just sounded like an idiot in front of everyone.
"I want to sleep," I muttered, pulling the sheets over my body. I rested my head on the pillow and squeezed my eyes shut.
"Niall, do you even realize how much people care about you?" Zayn asked, I could hear his voice waver as he spoke to me. He didn't even bother to ask me to open up my eyes, "So many people care for you and so many people would be so severely affected if you left. You realize that some fans might have even killed themselves, too? You couldn't have thought of a better option? We all care about you so much..." Zayn paused and I heard him sniffle, "I don't know what I would do if I lost you..."
Zayn's words were drowned out by the noise of his sobs. I reopened my eyes and sat up. I saw Zayn's head dipped down as he tried to wipe away his tears as the spilled from his bottom eyelids.
