Fall in Love or Fall Apart

Chapter 26

I stood on one side of the walkway with Maggie and Glenn stood on the other. It took all my will not to shoot the governor once he and his people arrived. But I remembered Carl. Before he had left with Beth and Hershel to protect Judith he had told me to stick to the plan.

"I don't want you getting hurt. Don't do
anything stupid." Carl had said while hugging me.

The governor had led his people in to the prison. My home. He barked orders at his "soldiers" till I could no longer hear his disgusting voice from inside.

Now, though, I can feel my adrenaline pumping. I check my gun for the fifth time to make sure the safety was off. I made sure my finger was at the ready and stared at Maggie and Glenn.

They were so in love.  Kissing every two seconds and whispering encouraging words. I can barely stand waiting. I wish I could just shoot the governor now. Rick had told me to shoot the governor if I had a chance. And I would. Even if I had to make that chance. I would rip his throat out with my own teeth if needed. He won't get away from me this time.

A few minutes passed and finally we heard footsteps and talking. I only made out "They're gone?" Then Maggie gave the signal and we got up and followed the plan.

Standing up quickly, I carelessly aimed and shot everywhere towards the Woodbury citizens. As soon as they started running I looked through the scope to try and find the governor. But, sadly, he was gone. I swore to myself and shot again and again till Maggie shouted at me to stop. I glared at her and stomped off.

The one chance I had to finally kill the governor and I let it slip. I hated myself. I held back tears that tried to fall. I heard Maggie calling after me, but I quickly started up a slow jog, which then turned into running, that soon became a full on sprint. I just kept running. Through the doors, through the halls, and through the gates. I ran from my problems like I always did.

Once I made it to the field I just collapsed. I didn't cry, I didn't sob, I didn't even sniffle. I just laid there, staring up at the sky, wondering. Wondering if there was anything beyond. And if there was. What was it? Was there God and heaven? Or just some black abyss where all souls go to rot? Or was there nothing. A place where everyone became no one. A place so quiet, noise wasn't even a concept. I liked that idea. Just silence and nobody to tell you what to do or hold you down. Nobody to let down. It would be perfect. That's what I held onto now. The idea of finally having peace. Where people like the governor didn't exist. I went deep into thought about this till I heard a car drive down the road and out of the gate.

I looked at Carl walking towards me while watching the cars. I looked away before he noticed me and I laid on my side facing away from him, pretending I was asleep.

When Carl was not even two inches from me he sat down.

"Enid. I know you're probably asleep right now. You know. After the attack and everything you must be drained. And I know you didn't kill the governor, but that's okay. Sometimes you get them, and sometimes you don't. Like me, I shot one of them. I did my part. And you did yours. That's all that matters. But now. Now my dad is driving to Woodbury to finally kill off those sickos. Don't get me wrong. I'm thrilled. But... My dad. Rick. He drove away thinking I was some monster. Like what I did was wrong. I mean. I thought killing the guy was the right thing to do. But I mean. It might not have been. Guy. Who am I kidding. He was a kid. He was hanging over his gun. His eyes were so innocent. Yet they seemed so evil. His soul looked so dark to me. I did what I had to do. He had to die. Or else Judith or Beth or Hershel could've died. I'm so confused about it. I just wish my mom were here. I wish..." Carls voice trailed off and I know he was trying to hold back tears as he finished his confession. I turned around and hugged him. He jumped at first but settled into the crook of my neck.

"Carl. I need you to listen to me. But not just listen. I need you to hear what I'm saying. Hear the meaning. I know you're going through the hardest and most confusing time of your life. I mean your teenager which is hard enough. But then they just throw the apocalypse at ya? I know. I know it's unfair and no one understands. But you can't take it out on everyone else. Blaming everyone else for things that couldn't have been stopped. I know you're confused about what's right and what's wrong. But killing that kid? That was wrong... Your grief is clouding your judgement. Your anger is fogging your brain. You need to learn how to let go. How to forgive. How to love. That kid was probably as innocent as you or I. I know you're confused. But you shouldn't be afraid to ask for help. We're not kids. We're teenagers. But that doesn't mean we don't need help. Life is unfair. But we carry on, together." I say tears streaming freely now. I glance at Carl to see if my speech had any effect on him. He just glared at me.

"What are you saying? That I'm a monster for killing him?! Well guess what. You weren't there! I know damn well life isn't fair. I don't need a life lesson. Especially from you! My judgment isn't "fogged", but you're right. I'm angry. And you better stay away from me or else!" Carl yelled, stomping away.

"Carl. Come on!" I called after him. But it was no use. I sighed and sat back down.

I say staring at the fence for what seemed like hours. Then I heard a roar of an engine. I ran to the gate and started opening the makeshift gate. However, my jaw dropped when I saw Rick leading a bus of people being driven by Daryl. As the bus made it through I closed the gate and followed after them.

I saw kids at the back of the bus stare at me as I jogged alongside it. I glared at them and they looked away. I ran a little faster and beat Rick to the gate and opened it. Rick stepped out of the car and walked closer to me. Before he even reached me I bombarded him with questions.

"What the hell are they doing here? Are they living with us? Did you kill the governor?" I crossed my arms and stared at him.

"Uh. Listen. Enid. The governor killed all of his people with him. One survived, Karen, and she led us to Woodbury. These people are innocent. They're gonna be staying with us, yes." Rick explained putting a hand on my shoulder.

The Woodbury people started piling out of the bus and shuffling inside with Daryl leading them. Rick left to go help while Glenn told the others. I just stared at the new comers. I felt a presence behind me and sure enough it was Carl. He didn't say anything. He just glared at the others and grabbed my hand. I pulled it away, but his eyes begged for me too. He reached for me again and this time I let him pull me away.