33 Days To Live (Under Revision)

10

There are moments in life when bad becomes worse and then comes the moment where the worse changes your plans for the next month. After reading the last, bone chilling entry Lucy had written, I had found myself scrambling up to check the calendar.

Thirty-five days.

Thirty-five days until March 31st.

Thirty-three days by the time I went back to school.

This girl I had probably walked past in the hallway every day for the past three years had thirty-five days to live and the only ones who knew was the diary and I.

I think what shoved the blade the deepest though was that I had been the last straw.

Never in my life have I felt guiltier then when I read that I was the first person to make her smile in two weeks, only to disappoint her a minute later.

Why didn't I ask her why she was crying? Why didn't I? I should have asked. I was raised better than that and if my parents or sister knew that I pretty much rang the death bell for this girl I don't think they'd forgive me. I wasn't sure if I could forgive myself and for the entire night after that I tried to convince myself to and promise myself it wasn't too late.

It was fascinating how this girl I had only truly met once quickly consumed my thoughts and haunted me. All I could think about all night was her. I was sick with worry over a stranger and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't shake it.

I tried.

I tried hard.

I tried to do homework, I tried to watch tv, I tried to eat--I even got out of bed early and went for a run. When that didn't help I got onto the update blog for my radio show to read my recent comments and post about being grounded and unable to do the show for a little bit. After that I showered.

Now, at noon, an entire half day and night later I was still going out of my mind. When you discover a secret like that it's hard to process it and decide what to do with it. I almost wished I was in school for once so I could go find her and talk to her.

Since I wasn't though, I did the second best thing. I began to read the diary, starting from the first page. I had to know what made this optimistic girl join the side of pessimism and kept dragging her down. It was impossible to focus on anything but that.

So carefully I read the diary and as the entries went on, I felt my chest tighten.

She had it bad.

Really bad.

I never knew people could be so cruel, and I couldn't understand their motivation to attack this sweet seeming girl. I almost couldn't believe this was the same girl I had run into in the bathroom a couple of weeks ago. She had seemed so nasty but in these entries she was sweet until she started falling apart.

I had become so engrossed in reading the diary; I didn't realize I had been sitting there for two hours until Rachel knocked on my door.

"Hey Ben, your friend Andrew from school is downstairs. He brought your homework," She said and I jumped a little as I rushed to hide the diary.

"Okay! I'm coming!" I had completely forgot Andrew was coming, I was glad he did though because right now I felt like he'd be the only person I could talk about the issue of the diary with. I barely knew him and I already trusted him more than my parents and sister with the biggest secret I currently possessed.

Quickly then I hopped off my bed and fixed my hair so I didn't look more psychotic then I already did. The bruises and cuts from the fight yesterday made me look criminal.