33 Days To Live (Under Revision)

57

After I left Lucy's house I was so beside myself with emotion I didn't feel safe driving in the now pouring rain, so I decided to pull over at the side of the road until I felt like I could drive.

Instead of crying though, or banging my fists on the steering wheel like I had planned, I just put the seat back and turned on the radio. I then let myself space out as I listened to whatever song was playing on the radio, I'd tell you the name but I wasn't paying close enough attention to know what song it was.

I screwed up.

I really had screwed up.

I had screwed up something so delicate and precious to me I didn't know how to feel.

I wanted to be angry, I wanted to be sad, I wanted to pretend I didn't care but I couldn't. I had officially been burned. All I could do was hope that Lucy would come around and we could talk about this.

Or at least I tried to convince myself of that.

She was so angry at me, so incredibly angry that it made me angry. I could understand her being mad, she was aloud to be mad but I couldn't understand why she hated me. I didn't want Lucy to hate me, I wanted her to love me just as much as I loved her.

I knew though that I might have to accept that things between us would never be the same again.

Until I was ready to do that, I was going to stay in my car like a wuss and curl up on the drivers seat. I did try to text her a couple of times and I tried to call her but I received no response. An hour into me sitting there feeling sorry for myself Rachel texted me asking me where I was and tried to call me but I ignored her. They all probably figured out I wasn't at home or at school by now and wanted a check in.

The only person I felt like I had enough energy to respond to though was Lucy, so I kept ignoring phone call after phone call and didn't bother reading the text messages. Instead I looked up at my ceiling and listened to the Kelly Clarkson song on the radio as I tried to think of a way to make up with Leopold.

Obviously the first step would be to apologize, I owed him a big one and I wanted to give him one. Then I was going to try to sort out any problems between him and I before moving onto Andrew. He was owed an apology to and hopefully he would forgive me.

Once, and if, they both forgave me I'd then give them all the wonderful news that Ben's dad wanted to give all of them a guest spot on the new radio show he was hoping Lucy and I would host. Luke was going to have a guest spot to, and badly I wanted to introduce the rest of my friend group to him.

I knew he was going to love Rodney and I'm sure he'd have a lot in common with Andrew.

The thought of all of them together made me smile a little and finally calming down a little I started to drift off to sleep to the sound of soft music and the pit pat of rain when my phone rang for the thousandth time.

It had been ringing off the hook for the past hour now, I should probably answer.

As expected it was Rachel and I tried to keep my voice as steady as possible so she couldn't tell I was upset. Apparently my voice wavered when I wasn't myself and it was something I apparently couldn't control.

"Rachel stop calling me I'm fi-" I had began to say but I was cut off by the sound of her crying.

"Ben...Ben are you okay? P-Please tell me you didn't hurt yourself." She sobbed on the other end and I sat up fast.

"Rach...Rach calm down...I'm perfectly fine...why are you crying? What's wrong?" I asked worriedly and she inhaled sharply.

"Ben, Oscar called, its Lucy. She's in the hospital," She said, making my heart stop. "Ben she overdosed, she tried to kill herself, she's in the hospital right now and they don't think she's going to make it." She then broke down crying again as I sat back, feeling the worst physical pain I had ever felt surge through me.

I left her, I left Lucy all alone in her house when she was upset. I left her, she told me to leave her and I did.

I left her.

I promised I'd never leave her and I did.

"No! No! No! Ben you idiot! You idiot!" I screamed as I threw my phone hard against the dashboard before picking it up again and calling Lucy's cell. After two rings it went to voicemail.

"Hey you've reached Lucy, I'm probably drawing or something, leave a message after the beep...or...call again!"

Feeling painful sobs suffocate me, I threw my car door open and dashed out of my car. I couldn't be in there, I felt like I couldn't breath in there. I had tried so hard, I had tried so hard it physically hurt, I had tried so hard to save her and I failed her. I was going to lose her and the thought killed me.

It hurt so bad I found myself collapsing in the mud and crying bitterly as the rain drenched me.

"Why? Why her! I love her! You know I love her!" I screamed at no one in particular, beating the ground with my fists, then I collapsed on my side and buried my face in my arms as I cried.

I let every pent up emotion I ever felt from the moment this nightmare began come lose and I cried harder then I've ever cried in my entire life. I cried so hard I think the heavens above started to cry with me to.

All I could think about as I cried was Lucy.

How she always smelled like a bath and body works store, how soft her skin was, her Donald Duck impression, the way she laughed, how beautiful she looked when she smiled, the way she felt in my arms, and so much more. I felt like I was never ever going to stop crying in the roadside mud but somehow I did.

Somehow I stopped crying and I forced myself up off the ground before getting in my car. Then with a heavy heart I drove to the hospital. When I got there it took every ounce of energy I had to drag myself through the front door.

I probably look mentally insane.

I was soaking wet and caked in mud, my hair was sticking out in all directions, and my eyes were swollen and red. Rachel had said Lucy might not make it, not that she didn't and if these were going to be her last few hours I wanted to be there for her.

I guess everyone else had the same idea to because when I walked into the waiting room I saw Gene, Leopold, Andrew and Rodney all sitting there with Lucy's family.

Quickly upon seeing me, Leopold jumped up and he walked over to me. Swallowing thickly I braced myself for a fight but instead he pulled me in for a tight hug.

"Gene told me everything Ben, I'm so sorry. I was so stupid. What I did was so stupid. I had no idea. I'm so sorry," He said quickly and I sighed in relief as I hugged him back tightly.

"Its o-okay. Please don't apologize." I whispered.

In response he just hugged me tighter.

At the time being, Leopold's hug was the only thing that gave me just a little bit of strength, the little bit I needed to sit down in the middle of my crying friends and wait.

Wait to find out if Lucy was ever going to listen to one of my jokes again and to how much I love her.
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So I don't usually update twice in a row but tonight I was feeling unusually inspired and I had the free time so I went with it. Also, I felt kind of bad leaving you guys hanging, like I said though things are gonna get intense. Don't the best stories do though?

I hope ever with all these unfortunate events that you guys have sweet dreams!
-Mari.