Scratching the Surface (Poems)

Survivor

It came without warning,

Didn't it?

Yeah...

For me too.

---

Just a murmur

A whisper in the back of your head,

Planting doubts that you'd never

 Believe in a second.

---

 At first

You push it away

Little things

 Silly things

 It's not true.

And sometimes,

If you're lucky,

It works.

You don't hear the whisper again.

---

 But sometimes,

Something happens

Big or small, it doesn't matter.

And you're sitting alone

Alone in a crowded room

Sadness crawling through your veins 

And almost subconsciously,

You start

Listening.

---

 Maybe it takes a while.

But it'll come eventually.

Words sneaking up on you

When there's nothing to drown them out.

Voices that grow

in volume

language

 quantity.

And it get's harder to push away.

---

There's only so much

a human can take.

---

If you're lucky, you'll speak up.

Get someone to help.

A lot of times, it works,

But sometimes it doesn't

Because nobody can see inside your head.

Nobody can read your mind.

So in the end

It's up to you.

---

And the voices grow.

---

 They're shouting now.

Filling your waking hours.

Telling you you're wrong

Ugly

Stupid

Weak

Awkward

Exedra, exedra

Until it's all you can hear

Until it's all you know.

And you can't escape it

Never.

---

So cry, baby.

Cry.

Scream out to the world

All the things that you hear.

Don't stay silent.

Don't keep it in.

It'll only get worse.

People won't listen?

Make them listen.

Make them understand.

Face it back.

It's a part of you,

So you can tell it what to do.

Don't give it the notion that it can control you.

Howl back.

Just what you think of it

Never surrender.

Never be quiet.

That will never help.

---

Believe me...

I know.

---

And I promise you, baby.

I promise you

One day you'll wake up,

And you'll notice.

---

Nothing.

You'll notice nothing.

Silence fills your ears.

Listen to that.

Do you hear that?

Do you know what that means?

---

It means you survived.