The sobs come first.
Gut-wrenching
Heart-breaking.
Making his whole body shake.
---
He stuffs his fist in his mouth
Turns his head from the stares
Clamps his hands over his ears,
But there's no escape.
---
He couldn't hold it back
Not anymore.
Not with this.
This, these words I've said.
---
Over the edge
Once again.
---
I'm here, watching.
My lips twisted
In some cruel smile
Watching him forced to tears again.
---
I can here myself speaking
Loser
Weakling
Nobody likes you
Digging the words into his skin.
---
I'm surrounded by "friends"
Giggly
Scheming
Pretending to agree with what I say
(And who knows? Maybe they do.)
---
Over the edge
Once again
---
And inside I'm screaming
Dragging at myself.
Begging me to stop.
But I can't.
---
I've woken the monster.
No, I am the monster.
Taking pleasure in other's pain.
Sinning for attention.
---
It's an addiction.
The crowds
The laughter.
The way he crumples beneath my words.
---
Over the edge
Again and again.
---
And at night, I lay awake and wonder
What happened to the girl I was?
Where did she go?
When did the monster take over?
---
And I always swear I'll change.
Make things right.
Apologize
Beat back the thing that I've become.
---
But every day I go to school
And see my followers
And see him too.
And I can't fight the urge to tear him down.
To feel that power
To know I'm in charge.
To somehow fill the aching hole inside.
---
Over the edge
Again.
And again.
And again.
YOU ARE READING
Scratching the Surface (Poems)
PoetryUPDATE: I wrote these when I was 13 and depressed all the time. I'm 18 now, and, fortunately, life's been going well! Unfortunately, these poems are fairly cringe, so read at your own risk. Just some poems that I write when I'm in the poetic mood...
