Øn yøur mind // Tyler Joseph

Risks

I cleaned up my house that Sunday after Formal, too tired after a long night to go out. There wasn't much to do anyways, with snow blanketing the ground.

I'd read a bit and played piano, everyone at school too tired to hang out from the events of last night also.

As I was getting ready for bed, my pajamas on, my teeth brushed, my makeup off, I'd crawled under the covers.

Josh thanked me for last night and being his date, even though I'd felt bad for almost leaving him to dance with Tyler all night. He said he didn't mind, and him and Jack are pretty close now.

I remember the smile never leaving my face when he stepped with me at our idea of a royal ball.

Signing in remembrance, blinking back to the present.

My lights were turned off, and I felt a pang of loneliness as nobody was home all day. Mom probably working or she went off with Dave to his house. Winter break was normally fun, but right now I felt sadder than ever.

I sighed and shut my eyes, actually getting sleep for the first time in forever. Drifting off, the rustling of the leaves outside as light snowflakes clung to my window. The wind blew the chimes hanging from our front, and carrying the creepy yet some say soothing, noises to my room.

       ---------------------------

A light rapping noise on my window woke me up. My body shivered as my heart race picked up, who'd be knocking on my window this late?

Was it a robber? No it couldn't be, I lived in a decent neighborhood. Besides, robbers wouldn't lightly knock on a window, they'd break in.

Nervously, probably stupidly, I peeked out my curtains. My room was also second story, the wood balcony outside was slick, and whoever climbed up those stairs in the ice and snow was stupid.

Plus take the trouble to unlatch the gate, which was pretty high and most likely frozen shut.

I saw Tyler's red nose peek out at me, and he practically begged for me to open the window for him quick. What was he doing here this late? Emma would flip her shit if he was caught here too.

Jumping up, unlocking the hatch as cold air rushed into my room. If it weren't snowing I don't think I would've let him in, to be honest.

I closed the window and handed him some warm clothes, taking off his jacket. Wrapping a blanket around him.

"Tyler you idiot, what're you doing here!" I scolded him loudly, after I'd cared for him and made sure he was toasty. "Did you walk in the snow in the middle of the night just to come by?"

"I walked yeah. But it's important."

"What?" I asked slightly annoyed, only because Ty could've hurt himself while in this weather. And I cared for him still.

He whispered in a hushed tone, "I'm sorry, but...

"Why are you whispering, my moms not home? And you could've went through the front door next time instead of scaring me and me thinking you were a murderer."

"I just need to talk to you, and I'm having a bad day, Ro please just hear me out." He let a wail out and began crying. If he'd cried outside, his eyelashes might've frozen off.

And what was this about now? I was always there for Tyler, I knew how sensitive he was, and I felt the familiar guilt sit in my chest as he let out high pitched sobs.

"Tyler... why are you here?" As much as I wanted to pull him into my chest and play with his hair, he never seemed to be there for me. Deep down I wanted to pat his back and tell him everything was gonna be okay.

I was selfish, I knew I was, because Tyler always came to me, but I never actually told him about my problems.

He stopped crying, looking at me in confusion, he thought I'd be more sympathetic. But how could I when I didn't know what was wrong?

"Ro, you know how perfect last night seemed? Well Emma noticed. She noticed and she broke up with me. Rowan I loved that girl, I gave everything to her, I gave her my heart!" He whined and wiped his runny nose on his sleeve.

"Oh my god. Tyler I'm so sorry I was so mean about it." I felt even more guilt as he sobbed in his cold wet clothes, with a red and runny nose, not caring anymore. He was so broken, and I wanted to fix him.

Tyler didn't deserve to be treated that way. He was so precious.

"I shouldn't have danced with you. God I'm stupid, Tyler it was my fault, I'm sorry." I apologized.

"No. It wasn't, I wanted to dance with you. Emma got jealous that I went home in Kelsey's car, and she told me she hated me and I don't deserve her, she told me I was useless." He breathed heavily.

"Tyler, go change please, you're shaking, you know you're not useless too." I noticed him shivering and he walked away, his chest heaving as he closed my bathroom door.

He came back, the tears still flowing from his eyes. Poor baby, and this time I meant it, he's never been so destroyed.

"Come here." I patted a spot next to me on my bed, and he nodded, pushing the covers up to his chin.

I couldn't help myself, I kissed his forehead gently and he sighed, him pulling my body closer to his.

His ice cold fingertips on my bare hip, I jumped at the contact, and he giggled. It was such a beautiful sound, his laugh. Anything was better than his crying.

"Thank you. Rowan, I know I'm a jerk sometimes. And I don't deserve you, because you always care for me, I'm sorry for abandoning you so much. And telling you I cared but then leaving you. I'm such an idiot, letting go of you." He rested his head in the crook of my neck.

"Tyler, just shut up and go to sleep." I mumbled not wanting to cry because of all of the times he's left me. Could he be telling the truth now? Could I trust that he won't leave me for someone better?

"Ok. I just think it's funny how our relationship lasted a week and a half and our friendship has been our whole lives basically, I'm so stupid." He laughed softly and traced my spine with his fingers.

"You're not stupid Tyler. Now go to bed."

"Mmm. I can't." He whispered in my ear and my whole body warmed up as his hot breaths tickled my neck.

"Tyler... " I debated to bring myself to tell him that I loved him. Should I take that risk of ruining our friendship? Oh it was already down the drain anyways, until now.

"Yes Ro?" He ran his stubble over my neck, I shivered again.

"I... want us to be... " in my head I wanted to say together. I wanted that always and forever we talked about. I wanted Tyler.

"Yeah? What is it?" He sat up now, curious.

"I want us to be friends again." My stupid self chickening out. Scared.

"Me too. Forever and always?" He intertwined our fingers.

"Yeah, forever and always." He wrapped his legs in mine, the flurries of snow still clinging to my window. Every snowflake different from the other. It was something beautiful.

"Goodnight Rowan."

"Goodnight Tyler."