Emily's Escape

Chapter 4

I woke up sweating. That's a first. I remembered that I slept with my jeans on. I pulled the comforter off me and grabbed a towel. I never really took showers in the morning since I didn't have the time, but because I fell asleep so early, it was only 6 o'clock in the morning. I stripped my clothes and looked at myself in the mirror. I gasped a little, I had lost weight since I last looked.

It wasn't because I didn't see it. I could see my bones just as easily as anybody else could. It just wasn't enough for me. To me, it was a game. And I desperately wanted to win it. 

At first I wanted to be able to see my collarbones.

When I reached that goal, I wanted to see my shoulder bones.

Then it was the hipbones.

And my last goal was to be able to see my ribs. I could. But it wasn't enough.

Now the bones in my knees appeared. I had lost weight. I felt so happy and motivated to lose more. I got in the shower and turned it all the way to the cold side. I knew I would burn calories by being in the cold shower. My body had to work harder to keep myself warm.

I stood shivering under the ice-cold water and washed my hair. I applied a hair mask trying to make my hair soft and shiny again, but my hair wasn't soft. It was dry and brittle even when it was soaked in a hair mask. A tear slipped down my face, but I ignored it.

It was almost time to go. I had been cleaning my room for the last hour and my bus would come in five minutes. I had to go now or else I would be late for the bus. I grabbed my bag and pulled my sweater down my hands so they were covered in materiel. It was about 70 degrees but I was freezing. I had on my jeans and a dark grey sweatshirt. My usual attire.

As I was waiting for the bus, I started thinking. About the guy, Carter, he had seen me pass out. What if he was had told the whole school? Maybe he didn't want to ever talk to me again. I was actually fine with that. I didn't need the attention. I didn't need his worry too. Everyone around me had giving me their worry and they all felt sorry for me. I didn't need that. At the beginning of everything, some of my teachers had pulled me aside to talk to me about my 'wellbeing' as they put it. I didn't care. Nothing they or anyone else could say would make me care. I was happy the way I lived my life.

The bell rung and it was time for English again. I closed my locker and walked to the classroom. Everyone looked at me when I walked in. I froze. Had he told? Why would they care if he did? They never cared before. I was shaking. When I heard someone clearing his throat behind me I jumped. I turned and saw a man behind me. He looked like he was in his thirties. I got why everyone was looking at him, he was attractive, and by the looks of his clothes and briefcase, he was going to teach us today.

"Uhm, sorry," I said and quickly walked to my seat. Carter was already sitting there. He looked at me and I gave him a small smile in return.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked me. I didn't get why though.

"Uhm, yes, I'm fine," I said confused and looked towards the board and the mysterious man standing in front of it.

"Hello, and good morning, today is a little different. My name is Dr. Nelson, I'm here because I've heard you're learning about the ideal body and face through the years," he said and smiled.

Some of the girls squalled and I even heard a girl say 'I would break my arm myself, if he was my doctor' I cringed in disgust. He could be our dad. Maybe not, but close enough.

"I was brought here to talk a little about eating disorders with you guys," he said and looked through the classroom. His eyes landed on me. I felt uncomfortable and looked down. Why was he looking at me?

He began his lesson, but I quickly zoned out. He said something about anorexia nervosa, but I didn't want to hear it. Many people had called me stuff in the beginning of everything, but I didn't care. They were all jealous.

Of you?

Soon, the lesson was over, and I shook out of my trance. I gathered my stuff together and stood up, I felt light-headed and supported myself by placing my hand on the table. When I felt better I walked out. I could feel Carter's eyes burning into my back, but I didn't feel like explaining myself with a lie right now. I walked past the teacher's desk when Dr. Nelson said something. "Hey, can I talk to you real quick?" he asked me. I at least thought it was me he was talking to, since everybody was walking away. I nodded.

"Uhm, yeah, sure," I said awkwardly.

"Your teacher is worried about you. That's why she got me out here. I hoped you can find some help in the things I told you guys," he said calmly and gentle. Huh?

"I'm not following? Why are you saying this to me?" I came off a little rude but I didn't care.

"I'm sorry to be blunt, but it's obvious you're not well, and I wanted to let you know that you can get help." He talked like he knew me. Knew my troubles. 

He didn't.

"I don't know what you're talking about? I'm fine. Great actually," I said annoyed. He came here and acted like he knew anything about me. If my teacher was so damn worried why didn't she just talk to me?

"I know you probably don't see it yourself. If you think about it, really think about it, do you have odd habits, odd thoughts maybe you even see yourself as odd looking," I couldn't believe his words.

"Why would I do any of those things you're mentioning? Do I look odd?" I was mad.

"No, you look sick, you look anorexic." I scoffed. He didn't know anything. Nothing at all.

"Well, don't worry I'm definitely not anorexic," I said stern and I started to walk away. But I was cut short in my tracks, when I heard him say something that shocked me.

"When was your last meal? And it doesn't count if you threw up afterwards." I was taken back by his question, why was it any of his business. I looked at him. I was pissed. I wanted to hurt him. Make him realize what I was doing, and make him realize that he couldn't do anything about it. He seemed like the type of guy who wanted to save everyone.

I counted in my head. Since my meal last night didn't count, I had to think a little bit.

"Four days ago I ate a salad. What are you going to do about it?" I spat and left. When I walked out the classroom my stomach made a flip. I felt powerful when I told people. I walked to my right and of course Carter was standing right outside the classroom. His face looked like a mixture of worried and surprised.

"Eavesdropping, huh?" I spat and walked off. I knew he had heard me. I knew he heard me telling the doctor that I hadn't eaten in four days. But I didn't care. I just wanted to go home. I have never skipped school before, but I didn't give a shit right now.

"Emily wait!" he shouted after me, but I didn't stop, I didn't care to hear what he had to say.

I walked out of the school and stood at the bus stop. It sucked that Carter had heard me, but it also made me feel powerful, to know that he knew that stuff but couldn't stop me. He couldn't do anything about it. I also felt a little like a bitch, but the powerfulness outweighed.

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Hey guys, hope you enjoyed!

It kills me to write this. To write Emily's thoughts. But yeah, lots of stuff is about to happen, so stay tuned!

I really appreciate the ones reading my story! Thank you.