Emily's Escape

I couldn't end it there (chapter 51)

7 years. It had been seven whole years since Emily passed away. The pain got tolerable after a few years, and I could finally rebuild my life after that.

When Emily died, I couldn't work. My father took charge of the company once again, even though he was too old. I lost touch with the guys. They were really supportive, but I just couldn't keep up a façade when I was with them. It didn't take long before we stopped talking altogether.

It had been three years since I went on the first date since she passed away. It was a colleague from work, and it went awful. The pain had been too much and I had to leave in the middle of it. She understood, but I hated myself for trying to move on.

I was so torn. Everyone I knew told me to move on, but every time I tried, I ended up feeling like a cheater. Like I was hurting her, killing her memory. It often felt like she was still here, though it was a different feeling since I knew she wasn't. It was so scary at first. Like her memory haunted me. Like she was haunting me. In the beginning, I couldn't stop replaying her voice, hear her laugh, imagine her face. Even her smell still lingered with me. I couldn't get her out of my head.

Nothing really happened. Nothing changed. But slowly the memory of her fated. Her scent went away, I forgot her painful cries I had heard so many times. Like they say, time will heal your wounds. I didn't believe it at first. I didn't believe she would ever leave my mind, but she did. I remember the first day that went by without thinking of her. I only realized it the day after. It had been such a busy day from start to finish, and I simply never got the time to think about her, to open op my bloody wounds. I had cried so much after that. It was so bittersweet; on one hand, I had finally gotten her out of my mind, but on the other, I felt like I was the one killing her off. Like I had to remember her or else I would be the bad guy.

Those years had been the worst of my life. It's funny how life goes. In one night you can go from living life to its fullest to feeling like life isn't even worth living. That's what happened to me. For so long it had been so good, and then, then it all just went away. My life was suddenly pointless. It was all just dark. Cloudy. Hazy. Cold.

"Carter, you're coming to the fundraiser on Friday, right?" Michelle asked. Michelle worked at the firm. She had replaced Janet who was the woman I had gone out with. Janet was quick to leave the firm after our date. It was unfortunate, but probably for the best.

"I am, yes. Will I see you there?" She smiled and nodded.  

"Carter!" My mother's voice sounded behind me. I turned around and took in her face. She had gotten old. I knew Emily's passing hadn't only been hard on me. It had ruined our whole family for a little while. I knew they couldn't help but blame me for it. I had been the one who was supposed to take care of her, but I failed. I failed so miserably.

"Hello, mother," I said and kissed her cheek. She smiled and looked around the room. We were in the state library and at a big event.

As I drifted the scene of the event, my eyes landed on someone. A woman. I hadn't seen her in so long. She hadn't aged at all. She looked just like she once had.

"Flora," I said when I reached her. She looked up at me and furrowed her brows.

"Carter. How are you?" She asked and opened her arms. We embraced each other and I could nearly feel our memories.

"I'm fine, better. You? It's been so long." She chuckled and nodded.

"I know. I'm good, too. We should catch up some time," she offered. I didn't really know how to feel about it. Emily's best friend. My dead wife's best friend.