Emily's Escape

Chapter 18

Tuesday.

After Carter had dropped me off I went inside the house. It was Susanne opening the door.

"Hey, how was the session?" she asked with a smile. I still hadn't gotten used to Susanne being nice and gentle, it was so weird.

"Uhm, fine. My friend and I got some food afterwards, but I got a lot of homework, so I'm just going to head up to my room now," she nodded with a smile. I didn't really feel bad about lying to Susanne; I had been for the entirety of the time I had known her, why stop now?

"Okay, you do that," she said and I immediately ran up the stairs.

I sat down on my bed not knowing what to do. I could take a shower? I didn't really know what else to do. I gathered my stuff and got into the bathroom. I took off my clothes and turned the water on.

No, make it cold.

I nodded and turned the handle all the way to the cold side. While it was cooling, I looked at myself in the mirror.

I had gained weight. I wasn't as skinny as before. My ribs weren't showing as much.

Good thing you're fasting now, we'll make up for it.

It's fine, as long as you fast. The fat will go away.

I gave myself a small smile and got in the cold shower. The icy water hit my back and a shiver went from my neck to the bottom of my spine. I could feel the goosebumps rising on my body. It was so cold.

Before I knew it I feel to the floor. I broke down crying. I couldn't stop the tears, everything hurt. It was a mixture of disappointment from gaining weight and the realization that I was now fasting for a week. The guilt from my parent's death, and the guilt of lying to Carter. It was too much.

After 20 minutes of lying down in the shower while crying, I got up. I turned off the shower and got dressed. I was still shivering from the cold water, but I didn't care. I was so tired, so I decided to just go to bed. I opened the windows and got under the small blanket. I closed my eyes, but I couldn't fall asleep. I was lying in my bed for three hours before I decided to take the Nyquil I had. I popped two pills and swallowed them dry.

I lied back down and felt the pills do their job; soon I was in deep sleep.

When I woke up I was starving. I pushed my blanket away and stood up. Black dots appeared in my sight. It always happened when I first started starving. I wasn't used to not eat, so the first few days I would have to get used to it. After about three days I didn't really get hungry, it felt more like an uncomfortable feeling. And I would pass out sometimes, but that I could handle. 

***

I pulled on a black sweatshirt and the jeans Carter had bought me, and I packed my bag. I brushed my hair and tied it into a high ponytail. When I was ready, I sat down on my bed. I had some time to kill if I didn't want the others to offer me breakfast. I played with the hem of my shirt and waited for the time to pass.

My stomach was hurting from hunger.

You're so weak. You're already hungry and it's only day one, come on.

I know, but it's always like this. It really was.

No, it's because you gained weight. You're used to eating.

I shrugged and waited for a while longer before I could go to the bus stop.

"Hey, Emily, you're not having any breakfast?" Susanne yelled after me as I was leaving. Crap, I guess this would be harder since they now knew what were going on.