Room 234's VIRGIN

86. Love's Tides

Song: Knowing me, Knowing you - ABBA

"Katherine Anne Porter once said; 'There seems to be a kind of order in the universe…in the movement of the stars and the turning of the Earth and the changing of the seasons. But human life is almost pure chaos. Everyone takes his stance, asserts his own right and feelings, mistaking the motives of others, and his own.'" Lucas Scott One Tree Hill.

***
     I shut the door behind him and fall to the ground too weak to stand.

What just happened?

        Jake's brother was in love with my mum? Jake only had one brother, Scott. He died a few years back. I remember how saddened my mum was by his death. Screaming and crying for someone who she deemed as a younger brother, at least that's what she told me. Could he have really loved her? Did she also love him? Is that why she was so heartbroken and not because she lost someone she saw as a little brother? Was everything a lie? I never did ask my mum why Jake changed but from what she'd said he didn't change, he was always evil and abusive towards her, I just didn't know. Hence why this theory of Scott loving my mum made no sense yet what if it was true? Will that mean it was all a lie?

    My phone rings, I ignore it. After a few more rings, I get up and walk over to my bed, I notice a card on it and pick it up. It's Peters card with his contact information. My phone rings again, I look at the caller.

"Dearest Mum," Isthe callers name.

I pick up.

"Finally! I thought you went back to sleep," My mum's happy voice resounds through the phone.

I stay silent.

"Has your dress arrived yet? I just got home. Luckily your dad didn't kill Lexis in his sleep," My mum says laughing.

I stay silent

"Hello? Hera?" She calls out.

I stay silent.

"Hera, Can you hear me?" She asks.

I stay silent.

"Did the phone cut? It's still on... hello, Hera can you hear me?" She asks again.

"Did you...did you cheat on Jake with Scott?" I ask with a weak voice.

"Scott? Who's Scott?" She asks.

"Did Scott love you?" I ask.

"Is this some sort of pre wedding joke?" She asks sounding slightly irritated.

"Did you love Jake's brother, Scott?" I ask again.

The phone goes silent.

"Hera Scott has..." I don't wait for her to finish and cut the call too scared to hear the answer and throw it onto Jessica's bed.

    In less than a week I have been tortured with a suicidal video of Lexis, threatened by his dad, gotten engaged, found by Jake due to a plan by Lexis to capture Jake that got me hurt emotionally and physically, almost had a breakdown due to Seth's reaction to news of my marriage, pushed into wedding preparations without mentally and psychologically healing and now I'm thrown with a revelation that Lexis and Nathan share the same mum, who cheated on Peter with his brother and my uncle may be the reason why Jake changed. It was all too much. One can only take so much before they lose it. Everyone had a breaking point, it seems I had reached mine.

   I feel choked up. Like my lungs had folded up thereby blocking my oxygen flow. I need to breath. I felt trapped in my scars, trapped in my pain and mind, trapped in my past and I wanted to escape to breath. I place my hands on my chest and start screaming. I hear people banging against the door but tune it out. I tune everything out as I pick anything I can find and throw it against the wall, against the ground, anywhere, needing to shatter things. To appease my shattering mind, my shattering heart, my shattering hope, my shattering beliefs.