Begin Again

June 23rd

"Maybe running away is futile . Maybe fooling yourself is like facing your doom. Maybe trying to turn in to the opposite way is like driving in to a dead end road. Maybe.. It's time for you to face the truth. It's time to accept what's leading you in to. It's time for you to be brave . It's time for you to—"

Natigil ako sa pagbabasa ng novel sa isang ring mula sa telephone.

Isa na namang tawag mula sa isang client na gustong magpa-set ng meeting for Monday .

"Thank you for this wonderful treat mister Martè –" agad niya akong matalim na tinitigan sa pagiging pormal ko sa kanya. Hiniling niya kasi na Philip na lang itawag ko sa kanya kapag kami-kami lamang. I badly want to disagree with him pero with his lightning eyes baka masunog at maging abo pa ko nang wala sa oras.

"..sorry Philip , Philip . " tumawa pa ko nang nakita ko iyong mukha niya na parang nalaman na naka pasa siya sa bar exam.

"I should hear you laugh more Fen, and no–I should be the one to thank you. Nagpadala ako sa stress at ikaw ang napag balingan ko, " he's sound so sincere that I can't help but mesmerize with his manly voice .

And yes nagta Tagalog naman pala ang loko! I can even imagine my face the moment he started to talk in Tagalog. As in, talagang tuwang-tuwa ako non with matching palakpak pa! Ang epic ng naging reaction ko .

"Sige po–I mean sige Philip  mauna na ko. "

Though he tried to persuade me on taking me home pero hello??? Ano ako bale . Tinakbuhan ko lang siya sabay para ng taxi . Yes , taxi. So much for being independent !

" Miss, baka pwedeng i-share iyang nakakatuwang thoughts mo? Pampa good vibes lang.." I just give Marg a vague face. But she is so persistent with her wiggling eyebrows.

We end up all laughing at somebody's joke . Lunch break naman kaya ayos lang .

"Guys , guys ! Wait, eh paano naman si baby Feny? Wala siyang ka-date mam'ya? " ina-aya kasi ako ng grupo nila Marg , Martha , Jiggy and Sandro na sumama mam'ya sa night out nila . Derecho na raw sila doon after ng office hour. Pumayag ako bilang sa haba na ng pag a-adjust ko ay dapat may reward naman ako sa sarili paminsan-minsan.

Bigla silang nanahimik at nagsi-tayo ng maayos. I followed their gaze and I copied what they did. Para kaming naglalaro ng Simon says .

He nodded to everybody like he always do to the others . And focus to me , " ..in my office Miss Magdua, please ," I nodded quickly and followed him without glancing back to everybody before I go.

Nauna na siya sa loob ng kanyang opisina at ako naman ay mabilis na kinuha ang notebook ko para baka sakaling may ipagbibilin siya.

Kakatok na sana ako nang biglang bumukas ang pintuan . Mabuti na lamang ay napigilan ko ang aking kamao sa pagkatok kundi lumanding na ito sa kanyang noo!

I even stepped back to put some space between us. He open the door wide and leave it open and went straight ahead to his chair.

It took me seconds before I calmed myself and followed him inside. 

I clicked my pen and open my note and wait for his talk. Nakatayo ako don sa tapat ng kanyang table but not so near.

I was surprised when he pointed the empty chair kung saan naka upo dati ang mga kausap niya sa trabaho besides sa couch.

I walked hesitantly pero nang ma-realise ko na boss ko pala ang ka harap ko, dali- dali akong umupo. Which made a short squeaky sound . Oops.