Mister Villain

CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT

RJ knew it was a dream – a nightmare, actually – when he found himself in an unfamiliar room, trying to take in a breath and steadying himself.

It took him a full minute to remember that he was in a hotel in Tagaytay for Sam and Pat's wedding in a few hours. Tumayo siya sa kama, headed for the en suite bath room, at naghilamos nang mukha.

"I will crush you" his voice echoed inside his head and the subject of his nightmare came back to him.

THAT was a statement he had said a few years back to Enzo.

A week after his engagement fell off, his search for the man who was the culprit for his life falling apart, culminated in a fist fight and a promise to make sure he could never rise from dirt, he had said those very words with as much venom as he could inject in them.

Pinagpapawisan siya just remembering that day.

Because you see, unlike other people whose nightmares were filled with monsters they didn't know, RJ's worst dream always consisted of HIM being the monster.

To have become cold, calculating, and unfeeling.

To have used women and discarded them like mere objects.

To have done everything in his power to make another person suffer and to relish in their suffering.

To have achieved everything he promised he wouldn't be when he was younger.

He was a monster.

And admittedly, ever since Maine entered his life, he had more and more instances of experiencing this particular nightmare.

Nawala naman din ito magsimula nung nagka-ayos sila pero he wondered right now why it has returned – and on this particular night even.

Could it be connected to what they talked about just a few hours ago?

He had bared his soul to her and she assured him that she was ready to accept who he was and who he could become in the future.

And that future would be bleary for him, if somehow, Maine ended up not being in it.

The intensity of what he feels for Maine is different from what he felt for Louise. It was amazing his heart could take it.

And he didn't mean to but he really could not help comparing the two women he has felt so strongly for to each other.

At kada gagawin niya yun, he would picture Louise as the North Star. She was the brightest object in the sky and he fell in love with her everytime he looked up the sky.

Maine, on the other hand... she was a comet. She broke through time, sound, and light (even) to outshine everything else in the sky. And she was not going to stay unless she decided she wanted to finally crash land on earth.

She made him feel like she could disappear anytime if he didn't hold on to her tightly.

She made him feel like after looking at her, he could never look at anything else.

Not even the sun, not the moon... not even the North Star.

He had seen her and if he needed to wait another 76 years or more for her to return, he would. Because no one else could compare.

At siguro doon siya takot na takot.

He had felt this kind of fear before when he was losing Louise and he thought back then that he won't ever feel it again pero mukhang mali siya doon.

Not only was he feeling that fear now (at a time when he practically shouldn't because nothing technically has even started yet) but he was feeling it in stagerring degrees.