A Second Chance

We need you

It's been two weeks and Jessica still has not sleep in her room.

"Mom, you need to get some rest.  This couch is comfortable, but not to sleep on every night."

"James, I'm okay."

"You can't just keep avoiding that room."

"I know that."

*Sighs* "I'm worried about you, mom."

"Don't be."

"Well I am.  We all are! 

You haven't cooked in weeks, not that we're asking you to do anything, but it's just not like you.  You don't eat much at all, and you're too skinny... You're different. You don't even talk to us.. Dad wouldn't want this."

"Don't talk about your father."

"I'm sorry." He looks down.

Jessica doesn't say anything, she just keeps staring straight ahead with this blank face that the boys have come to hate.

James sighs and leaves her alone.

That night Jessica laid on the couch staring up at the ceiling.

"I miss you, Sam.

  It's weird to think that a month ago, life was normal for just one more day.  It'd give anything to go back.

If I would have know a year ago how my life would be today... I'd never let go.. I'd live life to the fullest and go on many more adventures with you.  I feel so lost, Sam.  How am I supposed to raise three boys without you? I keep saying that, I know.. But it's true. I don't know! Please help me, Sam. They're great kids, but I'm so worried about them.  Samuel seems like he's trying to hold it all in.. I'm worried one day he'll just explode.... James cries a lot with me and he's always trying to take care of me.. They all do, but James is my sweetheart.. He's always been a mama's boy

...and Michael.. Well he's younger, and he just wants to be happy.. He tries not to cry, but I try to tell him that it's okay to cry... That it's good to cry. I hope they continue to be the best boys they can be... I hope they make you proud, Sam.

Jessica sat there thinking and crying over Sam for a while, then she sighs at looks towards the stairs.

"I think it's time.."

Jessica grabbed her pillow and blanket, to go up to her room.

When she got up there, she couldn't get herself to lay on the bed.

"I can't lay there... That's where he took his last breath..."

Jessica grabbed a blanket and sat on the chair across the bed, and stared at the place she one shared with her loving husband.

She felt proud of herself, she at least made it into the room tonight. She just needed to take it step by step, and it wouldn't be so bad.

***

The next morning Jessica came down and James smiled and hugged her tight.

"You slept in your room, mom! Good job!"

"Thanks, baby.. But I couldn't get myself to lay in our bed."

"Where did you sleep?"

"On the chair, and my back is killing me!"