1-27-17
"Don't you think about it?
Death, I mean"
I suppose I do,
You could say I do a lot.
She swung there for a second,
All thought and inhale.
"Doesn't it scare you?"
Which part, darling?
"After. Where do you go?"
In my eyes,
Death is a sucker for blue eyes
And red wrists,
And if it likes you well enough-
You don't go to heaven or hell
Or get reincarnated into a door mat or a piece of dog shit,
You don't stick around and haunt people.
There's no truth to be resolved in death,
Because sometimes,
It keeps you for the in between,
Just high enough to see the splatter of miracles across the bricks.
Some of us belong to death in the way that the moon belongs to the sun,
We need each other to glow.
Loving death is life without the fear,
Death loving you is absolution in secrecy.
"What if you're wrong?"
I'm not putting my faith in a manufactured book
With ink of potential truth potential lie on it.
I'm aware it's not pretty,
But that's why we connect.
That's why we touch arteries and clot our own bloodstreams
With desires and slits like cat's eyes.
"We could coexist like that, you know"
You're not unstable enough for me to trust it.
"I don't understand"
I saw those words spill,
The letters ate away at the air.
Windows that let light into the attic
Shut down, too.
She tells me I'm a beautiful disaster,
She tells me it's waiting.
My bedsheets never change,
And these posters read me,
Like we're both just horror script.
She tells me to lay awake without regret,
For morning comes relentlessly
Against the sea salt tide,
Welcomed or not.
The words lacing my gut together
In a desperate attempt
Feel foreign to anyone who takes a breath,
I'm sorry the chemicals seeped too far.
She says I'm a masterpiece,
She'll chisel until she knows I'm ready,
And I trust her-
She isn't like the others.
Cold feet on floorboards,
I ask if today's the day.
It's not,
And when I ask why,
I'm told today's events will shape me.
Trauma is an endless void
That collapses with my body on the mattress.
I pray and pray to leave,
But she tells me I can't yet,
And I'm in no position to say otherwise.
I'm telling you it's getting to be too much
But she tells me I'm on the right path,
And that anything is possible.
I dare to hope, against my better judgement.
Off like a switch,
I ask once more,
And the pride drips off her teeth
When she tells me she's sure I'm perfect.
Why did death return you?
She tells me she had to come get me.
Why?
She smiles,
I'm the goddess,
You're the god,
She whispers,
We're legends
At the pull.
So I squeeze and we rule.
- (m.m)
YOU ARE READING
Self Deception
PoetryPoetry 2017 And if I burn out in a fit of psychosis, remember me as a young god, with that smile made of daggers, even if I was the most dangerous thing you could've touched. Perhaps all that danger comes from the multiple personalities, but all I...
