Self Deception

11 / Blood Bath (Wine Stained Mass Shooting)

2-14-17
I see it,
The intensity pushes me to levels I cannot arrange into syllables,
But
Fuck it.
I'm the only one listening.
I'm the only one here,
In a room of yellow
And orange orange orange.

There's a bloodbath inside of me,
I am a wine glass-
All overflow and stain.
It's over the brink,
I'm sorry to the carpet
And I'm sorry to your dishes.
My heart washes up to the surface, too,
As if I needed that.
There's too much liquid,
I guess nobody took a fucking drink,
And I poured myself more than I can handle.
This life isn't meant to burst at the seams this way.

I'm stuck below the rims,
Sliding down the glass,
Waiting for the cracks and the chips
To edge down,
Like chills on your spine-
Slow, progressive.
You feel blue to me after that,
So I touch you like you're cold.
Careful, just ease into it.

Outside of my color coded
Call to arms,
Doesn't matter.
Nothing is real,
Windows all black in the houses
Where I sleep.
Nothing exists
Nothing exists
Nothing exists
Who fucking cares?
It's all a waste of energy,
And you know,
It never cycles back.
Runways on treadmills,
They step on me with soil clogged shoes,
But they still don't have dirt on me
Because they can't even see.

This is real,
I'm sure of it.
I'm sure that the ghostly clouds
Are battling it out tonight,
And I'm almost sure they hear the sound of it.
Clinking swords,
Gunshots,
And vanishing souls.
I ask myself why they ignore it,
But the answer is practically obvious.
It's easier to look away
Than it is to be yet another casualty,
And someday,
I think I'll try to step in-
Maybe I'll overflow with the rest of the red,
Maybe I'll hang from the rims.

Shut my eyes tight because it's getting clearer,
I think there's too much orange here,
White topped ignorance.
No.
I try to stop it,
So I fire a few times.
They'll come through,
I know it.
Demons love the fight,
They just want the blood.
I know them best.
And that's when it all starts,
Because as I feel it all start to flow,
But it's too much this time.
I can't contain it in a glass anymore-
My fists make holes,
I don't even care that I see it all,
Because I'm covered in blood red wine, 
Down to the whites of my eyes.
Me and the demons-
There's clutter up in this bitch-
Don't you dare try to make me normal,
Don't you dare think I need fixing-
You never helped them,
You never helped me.
You never stopped the fight-
You covered your fucking ears.
Out in the open,
And it's not real,
Nothing exists.
Bodies keep pretending,
But I've got the real knowledge.
I can't tell blood from home.
My god, this feels alive,
Have we done this before?
We should do this often.
Trigger trigger trigger
Let's see who's out to fight.
I keep seeing red,
And I love it.
It's all real, afterwards,
They never believed it.
But look!
Red red red,
Three holes over and over,
And once I'm empty,
Theres nothing more to spill,
But I'm falling,
And I see it-
I'm touching the fucking rim,
Im swinging...
Red...
I feel so real.
- (m.m)