8-7-17 rap
For my mom and the invalidation
And every fucking problem that created
Like always needing a reason and if I wasn't doing aight, shit I could still fake it
Right?
Swinging from extremes for the risks I've taken
Bleeding all over these fucking pages
Had you doubting me, without knowing what I could do
Even though you knew, I was still death chasing
I gotta check em, but I draw blanks from they faces
But I needed disbelief, it was the reason I had to leave,
Trying to cage it.
And I'm glad they all think that you're sane,
But I know the damage you create
Like having two bodies, one dead, behind my name
Shit, you made me think I was to blame
For running away from yourself to cover your shame
Another marriage down the fucking drain
Another school, another place
My story's been filled in before but my steps you couldn't trace
First fourteen, spent living without grace and the next, I spent high. fucked off my face,
Like god what a fucking trade
I've learned so much, but not because they taught me,
Spent the last week replacing sleep with coffee,
And let the nights keep on talking
I live for the nights spent street walking
And baby steps just make for bigger problems
You do it in detail, just to hide the progress
It wasn't like this before, like maybe I had options
But you took em all away like it's made you better now you got em
I brush you off but your mistakes aren't forgotten
And trust me, if I could make it matter any less, I would
Seems I talk to anybody and they tell me that I should
But the pains so deep so that the love can be this good
Talk about leaving and I wonder if I could
Written so much for you it's like I got a book
The older I get, I can't swallow the truth
But I look at my lies and fucking feel like you
Will that last my whole life, or will I have better views?
Or maybe the worst in me is something I can't refuse
And we take it all down with us different
And I wish amongst 8 or 9 of us, we could've just split it
But the scales keep on tipping,
Like bottle necked balance beams,
And from the pain, we sipping.
Choke it all out, cause it's the only thing we gripping
Can't grasp the concept of pieces not fitting
Maybe we need a different image,
Been working on this puzzle my whole life but I've got limits,
And we all know what we need, but not how to get it
And how do you ask when everyone was born with it?
And like Fuck god cause you know he had to predict it
She'll never take blame but she inflicts it,
That's for sure,
But I still love the chipped paint under numbers from ace, in that trailer house door
If it's only broken me down, what the Fuck am I here for?
Should've walked out, left your subfloors
Cause that shit wasn't home, tobacco and blood on the boards
That we only put in the kitchen cause the rest of the house we couldn't afford
Fuck you, for everything that you've done
Guilt trip me back, can't leave this one
Like 'sure you can dip, but I'm pretty suicidal if that's what you want'
No exaggeration, I'm actually trying to be blunt
But I think about you for a second and the whole fucker comes up
Tried to drown me, tell me the lack of oxygen is love
And you're doing shit good cause that's something I don't know anything of
- (m.m)
Was sick of writing and writing and having it not be satisfying. Like I wrote four songs that day and hated every one of them. So I said fuck it, got ballsy and decided to talk about shit I've never really addressed. It's a hard one for me to be alright with posting tbh but I'd regret not doing it. Most honest one yet. And I hate how honest it is.
8-14-17 Swanging | lyrics/rap
Think imma need a fucking Advil for this
Get out my way, mother fucker I'd kill for this
Knots in my hair, chains on my wrist
Everybody tip tip tip tip
And we swanging
Sipping these vibes we playing
And if we didn't mean shit,
We wouldn't say it
Got all my niggas just swanging
And we swanging
I'm a weapon, sitting shotgun
Experienced, I unlock guns
Teeth made of bullets
In case you ain't got one
Bite down on the rock stuff
I ain't messing with the wrong cuffs
Laced up a lot of dirt, coming undone
I'm bruised but I'm on my luck
Swear you'll trust me,
Even though I couldn't give a fuck
And that's your mistake,
Not mine to make
Got a lot of people
That aren't mine to take
Look at the scars
And shake
Said I'm scaring you
But that's just half a headcase
Just half a headcase
And I've been outta my brain
Come take these words
And get em outta my brain
Can't handle all the shit I say
Who's gonna do it if I can't take me?
So I drink till my words are slang
For the streets I've came,
The whole point of this is you don't get what I say
So if you come at me looking like I've changed
I don't give a fuck, lemme sip this drank
(Chorus)
Got my crew, we all faded off the right shit
He going down like titanic, night ship
We sipping purple so we might trip
But they don't fuck with weed, take a light hit
We stay illegal for what the lights miss
Once you pass us by, gonna lighten
The mood, and take this city and light it
Got drugs, good luck tryna find em
Got violence so why you fight it?
We've just followed to where you guided
Cutting off, I ain't even try to tie it
Fuck the world, I'm bitter and I'm lining
Come talk to me about timing
Cause it's a fucking setup,
And everybody gonna settle
Nobody's there to tell me when to get up
Off the floor in the middle
Of the A.M.,
Dawn and I got names we ain't saying
- (m.m)
Idk that it's finished yet but it's something I've worked on.
I think I'll write a poem tonight, too so look for that.
YOU ARE READING
Self Deception
PoesíaPoetry 2017 And if I burn out in a fit of psychosis, remember me as a young god, with that smile made of daggers, even if I was the most dangerous thing you could've touched. Perhaps all that danger comes from the multiple personalities, but all I...
