Self Deception

37 / number one

I cannot tell if I've been in love three times or never at all. I'm wondering if you're number three; I've been pretending that you gave me the bruise on my thigh.

I almost told you that I loved you today, but it came out as 'you look fine'. I know that my meaning didn't make it through, and I think I'm glad that it didn't. You can't know, you can't find out. I won't tell you unless you ask me.

You gravitate towards me, pulling us together and making a deformed mess of my mind. I melt into a puddle every time you come near me, and when you do as much as touch me, I evaporate. Your gentleness strikes me - the way you caress my arms and shoulders makes this insane love grow.

I know you've got it rough, that nothing ever goes right for you. And I know that I can't be the one to fix you, but somewhere in my mind, I've convinced myself that I could at least try. So here I am, laying it all out on the table for you. Here's the love I have: take as much as you need.

Sometimes, your scent clings to me. Before I washed the day's dirt off my skin, I could smell a scent that could only be traced back to you. Perhaps you were glued to me today - we didn't spend a second apart. I think I enjoyed that a little too much.

Darling, I think I'm dying. Help cool me down before that happens; I fear what the world will look like if I do. You're too much, and I'm too little. Maybe I love you because you make me feel so much taller than you are. Maybe it's just all these things I've said about you.

I'll see you right back here tomorrow, but not for much longer. Soon, I won't be able to say that, so I'll say it again while I still can. I'll see you tomorrow; face to face, in the flesh, ever so close. I'll be swallowing the urge to kiss you, and you'll be looking at me with the warmest eyes I've ever seen.

Maybe you're number one, or maybe I'm just crazy.

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