Self Deception

59 / From Hell to Heaven

6-14-17
Walking the line,
Because my mistakes catch up quick.
I've been half around this city,
And for anyone who knows it,
We know exactly what that says.

I've seen saints and sinners-
Your faces have me bitter.
Fucking stupid people,
But I show love,
I show love,
Because that's what I never got.

You,
You're different-
Somewhere in between the
Halos like rings around champagne glasses,
And the blood slaughter.
You've been high and low,
And I think I could need somebody like you.

I tell them I don't go out without a fight,
And I mean that,
But who's here to watch?
The darkness is a smoke
And I'm trying to get away from the need.
I breathe it in and I've got eyes like the devil,
I match your fancy heights, now,
Motherfuckers,
Keep sipping, you waste of time.

How exactly does a person like you end up
With the rest of us?
How exactly does somebody
With a laugh like angels,
When he's in the clouds,
(Sometimes I swear I'd roam those clouds
If that's all I heard)
Make it so low?
How does somebody who can pick up a phone
In a heartbeat,
To remember conversations
Against a predisposition of highs,
See the aftermath of somebody like me?

'There is a hell, believe me, I've seen it.
There is a heaven, let's keep it a secret'
- (m.m)

For Chris. You'll never read this unless I copy and paste it, but I'm not sure that I will. For everytime I fell asleep on the phone and for every wasted breath we've taken trying to get out of the shit we've done. For every moment I smiled on my worst days, just because you were on the other end of the line. For every hour of sleep i traded for you. For every poem we've worked on together. For every kik message. For you. A thousand times. You deserve the world. Stay alive. I love you. Not romantically, but I love you.

He sent me something he wrote yesterday titled "from heaven to hell", so I took that and played off the words a bit. His piece wasn't for me, though.