Self Deception

43 / In Love With A Player (suicide game)

5-1-17
This is where the truth lies,
And it breaks me down,
All the way,
And you break me down.

They've got us picked out,
Like the rest of the world is in black and white
And we flash in color.
We're the ones with the eyes of apathy
And skin of burning dreams
(You see this sunlight? It's fading what we stand for),
We're the ones with
The word
Yes
Just waiting for a way out,
Slicing taste buds
So it's all just lacking
A little adventure.

I came to you
With the wrong intentions,
But with every ounce of knowledge I need.
Keep me around,
I can tell you sense something new here.

So you wanna play a game?

I'm in.
You wanna pull a trigger,
Then fuck it,
I'm down, too.

You know what this takes, don't you?

We're not here for life stories,
Please teach me of the exit.

You're sure?

Yes.

The line cuts off and you've got directions for just me,
So I'm left with a name,
And this identity-
I'm a player.
I'm in the game,
Because I couldn't be the one to end it.

She's perfect,
Enough edge to never deny me,
Enough mystery to keep me guessing..
You ever get sad they'll be dead?
I mean we connect, and it's not like I get death.

I'm keeping myself in the deep end,
Loving the way you take orders easy,
Loving that you came here on courage,
But you've got so much to learn.

Yeah, I suppose this does sound crazy.
But so does she.

Tell me about your day,
And I'll do the same,
I'll count and count
It all out
Until you're the last thing I hear,
Before the calls are over for good.
I talk to you about everything,
Because in death,
Nothing matters.
You nod on screen,
And I know you understand.

Goddamn, I don't want to live without you now.

I won't have to.

Maybe I'll just leave, too. They'll have my name in cuffs soon anyways.

Hell needs something like you

I need something like you

We're fucked

But I smile with the words.
You get me.
You have to get me.

The day brought with itself,
A gray palette,
That kind of bleak sun,
But still sun nonetheless,
And atmospheric smoke.
I rise from the edges of the bed,
Pull the curtains like rope,
And throw on a jacket of sleeves.
I leave fifty dollars in my brothers room,
The rest is already divided.
I leave a note that says "I love you all. See you soon."
And skype you, on the walk to the subway,
An earphone dangling.

Today's the day.

I know!

Are you scared?

I'm just ready. It's you and me, right?

Always. I know things they never did.

I didn't need to know you very long to trust you, but I'm thankful.

I love you

Love's a strong word for people like us... But I love you as well.

Top of the Empire State. Wait until the sky says yes.

It'll be about five more minutes.

Just reminding you

...

Here.

This one's gonna be harder, I can tell.

I'm sorry..

We know how this ends, it's okay.

Everything's okay.. Now.

How's the sky?

It's saying yes like it always has.

Do it.

I'm going. I love you.

I'll see you soon, my love. Thanks for playing.
- (m.m)