▋BRING ME BACK

☤ five | jae

another day in the plain and white hospital room. just me, dust and oxygen. what a perfect life i'm living.

well at least it's better than being with brian.

okay that's a lie.

a big lie.

i'll be honest. i miss brian. yes i know that he threw me back into this place but maybe he had his reasons.

or that's what i hope.

i bet he hasn't even tried looking for me. he hasn't even tried visiting me. heaven's hospital does have a visiting system but people hardly come because people hardly know of the place. nobody has ever came for me.

i always dreamed of someone to come and save me. i just hope that "someone" isn't brian.

okay that's another lie.

since there's nothing to do now i might as well tell you more about me and brian and our relationship.

after the first night i was with him i was actually scared.

i mean like i was with the creature that i'm supposed to be against. the reason why i'm even at heaven's hospital is sort of because of brian, since he's a monster. i was in his room wearing his hoodie and shorts and walked downstairs to see brian in the kitchen. i didn't say anything but good morning since i wasn't that comfortable. especially at the fact that he kissed me.

his cherry colored lips was the only thing i was paying attention to. his messy bed hair and a lose white shirt with his shorts. he had a sports head band that exposed his forehead. his broad shoulders faced me. his soft fingertips touched the countertops until he turned to face me and he touched my face. he brought me closer and closer-

"are you okay?"

"w-what?"

"you're spacing out again."

"don't come out of nowhere wonpil..."

"whoops?"

meet my friend, wonpil. he's stupid, somewhat cute and a happy guy here. i don't get how he can be so cheerful and positive.

"what do you want?"

"i thought you were lonely so i wanted to see you."

he sat at the edge of my bed in his white uniform like mine. wonpil's number was also #06. wonpil was here as long as i was but i never knew him before since back then we didn't have rooms. we stayed in the drawers. but wonpil was in the outside world until he turned 7.

"i don't like it here jae..."

"me neither."

"i want to escape."

"me too."

"i have a friend i promised i would meet when i was 7. i haven't seen him in over 15 years."

"you told me."

"i know but i can't help but think about him."

"does he know you're here?"

"nope. he probably doesn't even remember me..."

the room went quiet again. i patted wonpil's back, trying to reassure him that everything will be okay and that he will see his friend someday.

"i miss him so badly. don't you have someone that you miss and want to see?", wonpil asked me.

"...i do."

"is it that brian guy?"

"yeah."

pretty much everyone in heaven's hospital knew about me and brian since he was a monster. the doctors and nurses were very mad and disappointed with me. the other patients in the building didn't really care but no one likes to talk about what happened.

"i don't get why the nurses and doctors were mad at you. just because brian is something that's bad doesn't mean he actually is-"

"he's the reason why i'm back here."

i try to act like i'm mad and don't care about brian but wonpil can see right through me.

"it's okay to love him. i support you jae."

"thanks wonpil."

wonpil nodded slightly at me and then faced the wall.

"what's your friend's name?"

"dowoon."

"he sounds like a nice guy."

"he is."

the air got tense around us. from wonpil's face i could tell that he missed his friend, dowoon, a lot.

"he wanted to meet me at our secret place. he told me he had something to show me so we made a promise that we'd meet there. but instead i got kidnapped by these guys and here i am."

"that's unfortunate..."

"i don't even want to think about how dowoon might've felt. maybe he actually didn't care or was hurt. either way i still feel like a terrible person."

"it's not your fault wonpil. you were only 7 so either way what were you supposed to know? i'm sure dowoon might've just worried about you."

"maybe."

"kim wonpil please go back into your room."

a nurse came upstairs with the stupid red pills, taking wonpil out my room. i waved goodbye to him as he smiled at me. even after all this deep talk he still manages to put a smile on his face. even if that smile is fake, or not, i still wonder how he manages to wear it. i haven't smiled in so long that my whole face just numbs up even if i lift the corners of my mouth by a little.

the nurse poured water into a cup and put the tablets into the center of my palm. with a deep breath i consumed the disgusting product with the water. the nurse didn't say a word and left the room, taking the water and tablets. she gave me a look probably because of my actions earlier today when i knocked them to the floor.

oh well.

when wonpil talks about dowoon and how he wonders if he thinks of him i start to wonder, does brian ever think of me? is he thinking of me right now just like i am? does he talk about me to other people?

i want to see how he is. i want to know what he's been up to lately. i want to be with him. my heart hurts so badly. my muscles in my arms start to tighten as i grip the bed covers.

i can't stand. i can't even move.

i feel so useless.