Complicated//Shawn Mendes// !COMPLETED! ✔️

Chapter 36

We stand staring into each other,moments passing.
"Let's go inside. It's getting cold here",his tired eyes now look welcoming and warm.
"No..I'll go home",I say quietly.
"What about Layla?",he asks with kinda of disappointed look on his face.
"She'll stay if she wants to. I don't know..",I sway my look away from him.
He just shrugs. Coldness hits between us and I don't know whether it's cold breeze or actually between us,psychologically.
I start walking backwards,going away from him step by step.
He catches my look.
"Are you okay,Arya?",he asks after looking at me a little bit longer than comfortable.
I plan not to lie to him, but my indecisive mind can't work out if saying I'm not actually okay would be pathetic,so I stare at him like a cow.
"No",is everything I say to him,that small "no" leaving my mouth quieter than a whisper.
Saying that I go in my jeep and start it.
Lights flash at him and illuminate his,second ago, silhouette. He looks at me defeated and I just drive off,leaving him behind. Whilst I was worrying about him I forgot about how I feel. And trust me that is nothing better than a dead person. I wish Earth could swallow me right now.I look in my rear view and I see him still standing on the same spot,only thing different is that he is becoming smaller and smaller as I drive.
I unlock doors and come inside the house. Everything from our breakfast,Layla's and mine coffee still stands there. Untouched pancakes sit on the kitchen island with half drank orange juice. Chocolate and maple syrup standing in small jars next to them and all of this reminds me on our breakfast which we haven't clearly eaten.
Oh,I forgot I haven't eaten this whole day but I don't feel hungry.
I take plate by plate and empty them in trash. I don't know why,but I get so emotional.
Tears start rolling down my cheeks and I smash plate,in my hands,against the wall.
This feels good.Liberating and awesome actually. Seconds after you can see me throwing plates,glasses and everything breakable against the wall,accompanied with me screaming,shouting and crying. I can't figure out whether I'm angry,sad or frustrated. Pieces of plates and glasses shatter against the wall and go everywhere. Soon after my hand grabs over empty table and I realize I don't have anything to throw anymore. Needless to say I feel shattered and broken just like those plates.
Now I'm sobbing endlessly. I leave that mess in kitchen and go under the shower. Hot water hitting my skin is almost burning it,but I don't mind.
Bad reputation,that's the only thing I have now. Way to go,new girl. My first intimacy is now pretty much public and I feel like I'm the shocking news on CNN. I turn the water down and go into my room.
Sheets are still crumbled and messy from the last night. Something snaps in me again. Seeing my room in that condition and linking it directly to what happened in these 24 hours makes me lose it.I scream insanely,my voice cracking. Like a lunatic I throw everything from my bed on the floor. With the same intensity and screaming I push everything on the floor with my swipe of my hands. My desk,my cupboard,my walk-in closet,everything down on the floor. If someone came here,they could swear someone has been robbing me or someone has kidnapped me. My screams suddenly stop as my voice disappears. I try to scream again but nothing leaves my mouth just muffled sounds of broken voice. I cry some more and collapse on my floor. I feel weak like never before. Hopeless,helpless,pathetic and miserable..nothing is enough to describe how I feel right now. My eyelids are heavy and I blink hardly. Before I know,I'm asleep,right there in the middle of mess,mess which I let happen,mess I did.

Shawn's POV:

I can't get her off my mind. The silhouette of her standing few feet away from me and with her tiny voice saying she is not okay,haunts me. I snap out of my thoughts as Layla is talking about something.
"I have to go. I need to make sure she is alright",I say distantly.
"That's what I was saying a moment ago,Shawn",she frowns.
"Yea,yea,that's why",I try to look like I've been listening.
"Just go.I'll take care of Aaliyah.Arya is not okay",she nods at me.
"I know",I say rushing out.

(...)

Why am I doing this? Usually I would never care or do anything to make someone feel better. I would never make sure if someone is okay. This concerns my ego to the maximum,but I don't give a damn shit. I more care for her and that concerns me, scares me. I constantly fight myself not to admit I really do care for her,but it looks like I'm losing this fight.What is she doing to me?

I knock few times at the doors and nothing happens. I don't hear her sweet voice nor she opens. My hand reaches for the door knob and surprisingly it is unlocked. I step in slowly. Whole house is dark,so I turn the lights on. Living room is empty. Something gives me chills down my spine. Everything is so quiet and I thought there is no such thing as quiet with Arya. Something isn't right.
I slowly move towards the kitchen. Hair stands up on my arms as I walk in the kitchen. Whole floor is covered in pieces of broken glass.Everything is shattered and destroyed. Cold sweat washes me over immediately.
"ARYA!WHERE ARE YOU?! ARYA!!! ARYA!",I start shouting,my heart racing like wild.
"ARYA!",I'm shouting her name repeatedly while looking for her.
I run upstairs and messy room catches my sight immediately. I run in it and what I find is nothing better from downstairs.Every single item is on the floor and it looks like a tornado has passed here. Coming closer to her bed I see her laying down on the floor. For a second I feel relieved because she is here.Then it hits me.
Did she do this?
I slowly kneel down besides her small,weak body and lay my hand on her arm.
She is burning.
"Arya?",I shake here lightly.
"Arya? Wake up baby,wake up. I'm here",I shake her a little bit harder.
No response.
No nothing.
Her face looks pale,but her eye area is red.I suppose that's from crying? Her lips are pale,but a shade of purple covers them a bit.
Her long brown hair laying everywhere across the floor. I scan her appearance,but something else catches my eye. As I admire her peacefulness I see small orange bottle clenched in her tiny fist. I've seen it before,my mother..
My arms start shaking as every memory associated with small orange bottles comes back.
I reach out for it and pull it from her hands.
Eszopiclone x2 (max. 1g) is printed on the label.
Bottle is full of tiny blue pills.I don't know what are they for? Without hesitating I google it.
Sleeping pills.
"ARYA! ARYA WAKE UP! ARYA WAKE UP IMMEDIATELY",I shout and shake her with my hands.
"Arya...please..baby..baby please,please wake up",I press her weak body on mine.