Complicated//Shawn Mendes// !COMPLETED! ✔️

Chapter 9

If he can play this game,so can I.As he saw me undressing myself,he stopped and stared.I knew that this time I was driving him crazy.My throat was dry and sore,I never undressed myself in front of anybody.

''What?Never saw girl's body,Mendes?'',I asked obviously teasing him.
''I did and you know that'',he quietly replied.
I just nodded simply,not knowing what to say on that.And there I was,standing half naked in front of Shawn.My body shaking,it wasn't out of the cold but shame,I guess..I had a reflex to cover up my body,but I decided to push myself further,out of my comfort zone.That's what this boy does to me.

''Don't you dare to think of something,I'm not going to freeze in wet clothes because you threw me in the water'',I was saying as he was coming closer.
I felt his look on me and heat rising into my cheeks.
''So what now?I'm also not planning to stand almost naked in front of you.It was your fault,now fix it'',I was quiet irritated.
He didn't say anything.What's with him and his silence today? Shawn just threw me his t-shirt he was holding in his hands.I put it on,it was pretty damn big to me.I looked myself up and down and then looked at him.He was just in his jeans,little water drops from his hair falling onto his torso.
''Looks like a dress on you,so you won't need your wet sweatpants on'',he said and bit his lip.
''Yeah,I guess and stop doing that'',I said and looked down as I knew I was blushing,my cheeks were burning.
''Will do just when you stop rolling your eyes at me'',he said,gave me his woderful smile and got into his car.I acted fine and he did also.But I knew it,I saw trough him,he acted so cold to me and tried too hard to hide it with his smile.

I followed him,placing my wet clothes on the backseat.I curled up  so I was warmer and smoothed my wet hair.Shawn started the car and we were on the move.
''What if we ran away now,like this?'',he asked me in the middle of ride as he took a lock of my still wet hair in his hand.
''Don't be a fool,Mendes.Stop playing with me.You don't even know me and I know you even less then you know me'',I cut him off and moved my head closer to his hand,closing my eyes,it was a reflex when someone played with my hair.Soon as I realised what I did I took my head back and sighed.What was that? From cold boy half an hour ago to this?I wanted him to leave me alone,but at the same time I wanted to run away with him.This game is not going to end so well for me.Shawn was silent at my comeback and he just kept driving.
The rest of the ride home was nothing but silence between us.Both of us just tangled in our own thoughts and concerns.I wanted to know what was on his mind but I didn't know how to find out and didn't have enough strength to do anything.
''Thanks'',I simply said as I was exiting his car.Again Shawn hit me with silence.Because of that I slammed his door.Asshole.Why did I even thank him?On what?Great afternoon which he obviously ruined and a ride home? Fool.
Thanks God,my parents weren't home,I felt sick because of everything and I didn't want them to know.I ran up and threw up.
''FUCK!'',I yelled as I slammed my hand on a sink.What is happening?I exactly knew what was happening but I didn't want to admit to myself.I cared.I cared for him.I can't say I love him,because I don't know him,but I cared for him and every little thing he did affected me.
That night I didn't sleep at all.I only saw him,his smile and ours bodies interwined.I held his shirt and thought about every little thing that happened today-
''You look like shit girl.Did you sleep at all?'',Layla stated.

''Yeah I did,a little bit.I was studying Science'',I lied.

''I get you...I did too,but I was sleeping like a baby'',Layla smiled.
''Lucky you'',I was tired and grumpy,secretly searching for...you know who...
Will he aproach me because of yesterday? I just didn't know.

And it stayed on that.I didn't know.Days kept passing by and I was avoiding him.When I sat with him during the classes he was silent and I was silent.He usually put his hand on my thigh like everything was fine and I pretented like I didn't know.Acted dead and numb.I knew if I didn't,I would let him come too close and break me apart.I tried to distance myself from him,but there he was,every single second on my mind.When Shawn tried to talk to me during the class I would just ask professor to go out and stormed out of the classroom.In the hall and outside I was avoiding him totally,I was invisible and wanted to be that way.I couldn't let him near my heart.The damage has already been done.I fell in love with him.And there I was,confesing that to myself finally,after days and days.You know,to fall in love with someone who does not love you back,is the cruelest,most unforgiving heartache I have ever experienced.He brought up the colors in my life and now without our fights,pulling and pushing,everything was grey.My every day was the same.School,home,study,sleep and repeat.But I'm just a fool,I speak like we were in love,but only I was in love.I let it happen,so I deserve it.

***
''What the fuck?!'',I yelled as he pushed me into empty classroom.Those were my first words spoken to him after I don't even know how much.
''What the fuck? YOU ARE ASKING ME THAT? I SHOULD BE ASKING YOU THE SAME?'',he yelled at me as he locked the room.I just stayed silent,wanting him to finish and just say everything he intended to.
''Why are you acting that way?Making yourself invisible and acting like I don't exist!Huh?'',he raged.

I didn't know what to say.I kept staring at him.
''ANSWER ME!'',he put his big hands on my shoulders and shaked me.
I felt scared.Emotions started pilling up in me and I was about to explode,tears pilling in my eyes and then I exploded. 
''BECAUSE YOU HURT ME OKAY? I KNOW THAT THIS IS CHILDLISH AND YOU DID NOTHING BUT IT HURT ME.WHAT HURT ME WAS THE FACT THAT EVERYTHING THAT DAY WAS FOR A GAME AND A GAME TO YOU.THE WAY YOU ACTED,THE WAY YOU TREATED ME,THE WAY YOU SPOKE,THE WAY YOU LOOKED AT ME,THE WAY YOU TOUCHED ME FOR FUCK SAKE! I AT LEAST THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS,BUT HOW COULD WE BE,BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOU AND YOU DON'T CARE TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME. GO ON AND TELL ME HOW BIG OF A FOOL I AM AND THAT I AGREED TO THIS,THIS TO BE A GAME.I GIVE YOU THAT,I DID. BUT I'M NOT HEARTLESS LIKE YOU.YES, I DID IGNORE YOU AND YES, I TRIED TO PRETEND LIKE YOU DIDN'T EXIST BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO HURT ME AGAIN.I'M NOT TOUGH THE WAY I SEEM TO BE AND I CARE.I CARE ABOUT EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE,INCLUDING YOUR INSENSITIVE ASS.IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO ME WHY I DO CARE ABOUT YOU ACTUALLY,BUT THE FACT IS THAT I DO.SO JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE SO I CAN GO BACK TO MY LIFE WITHOUT THE STORM CALLED BY YOUR NAME.'',I yelled and yelled,letting everything out,sobing at the same time.
I was pissed.When I finally finished he was staring at me.I expected him to be silent and not to know what to say but then he started speaking.
''I know I hurt you.I get that.It's not childlish and your reason is valid.I didn't mean to.I thought you felt the way I felt because you acted that way.I thought this was a game to you,too.I know that I acted like a jerk but I just don't know any other way..''.
Then I interrupted him:''You do know the other way.The way you acted that day at the lake wasn't the way jerks act...except the reason you acted that same way''
He did not say sorry.He never fucking did.Not that day,not today and everything would be fine if he just said sorry.
I felt his hands on my cheeks,he was wiping my tears off.Once again when he touched me I felt like I was electrocuted.I was bitting my lip so hard it started bleeding actually.

''Just say sorry,so we can all go back'',it slipped me.
I felt his hands on my waist,he picked me up and carried me to the doors.He slammed my body against them and looked me in my eyes.
''I never said sorry to anybody,I just don't say it to anyone'',he mumbled.
Shawn put his thumb on my lower lip and caressed it.I felt goosebumps rising on every inch of my skin.I was looking at the whole other universe in his eyes as he looked at mine eyes.You could find me closing my eyes and slowly relaxing my head in his hand,enjoying his slow moves on my lip.
''Oh fuck it,fuck this!'',Shawn's voice snapped me out from the state of pure pleasure.

MY NOTE TO YOU GUYS:
What will happen next?Why is Shawn acting like that suddenly?I need to leave you in anticipation.Don't hate me.

Basically,I wanted to ask you if you like the story so far? Somehow I feel like it's not good enough...idk.Mehhhhh,don't pay attention to me...

Ly xoxo