Finding Happiness book II- Falling into Place

Chapter 22 - One thousand and one reasons (Logan)

Logan's P.O.V

It's been exactly two years since I met her. It's been exactly two years since I fell in love with her. And, it's been exactly two years since I realized I really want her. It's been exactly two years and I still can't get her.

Why can't I get over a girl that clearly can't be with me. She has one thousand and one reasons not to be with me. She can't be with me because of who she is, she can't be with me because of Liam, Jane, my reputation. She can't be with me because of her boyfriend whom she clearly loves. 

And one reason I can't be with her is that I'm scared. I'm scared of myself. I'm scared my friends and my brother might be right about me losing interest after getting her. I'm scared because I love the feelings I have for her so much that I respect it enough to handle with care. I'm scared when it turns real I might run away or want it to be as perfect as the picture in my head. I'm scared because I really don't want to lose this feeling.

I stood in a corner and watched as she smile with Liana, while trying to sip her wine. I watched as she moved her head to the beat of the song playing while she taps her feet to follow the rhythm. It feels like I haven't seen someone so beautiful. 

Her eyes are saying she's paying attention to the music, enjoying it more deeply than others would, smiling like the lyrics touches her heart still moving her head to the song. Her whole body responding to her heart. With each word that came out of the singer's mouth she smiled. You can tell she listens to the song a lot. The way she feels the music makes me want to listen to the song all day, and try to feel what she feels. And when I listened to the song closely it was a song by Ed Sheeran titled Perfect. I wanna live in this song with her. 

I took out my phone and added the song to my playlist. I put my phone back in my pocket as I watch her dance with Liana, both of them laughing. I have to say, I love the fact that she came alone today without her boyfriend. Maybe I can also have a dance with her. 

"Ah, what are you thinking Logan. You don't even have the courage to ask" I said to myself. I finally pulled myself out of La la land. I walked towards table full of snacks and drinks. As I attempt to have a cupcake I saw Liam walking into his office trying to talk on the phone, I followed him because I had to ask him a question that has been bothering me.

"Do not let anyone else know about this yet. I still need to know the source and how they found out. If this gets out in any form I will make your life a living hell. Do you understand?" I unintentionally heard Liam speaking with someone on the phone. He sounded serious. I knocked on his office door that is slightly opened. He said something I couldn't hear and hung up immediately. 

"Hey... Logan... what's up. Did you want something" He said nervously. I decided to pretend I didn't hear anything. I trust Liam, he wouldn't get involved in anything crazy, he probably said to sound tough.

I cleared my throat and smiled. "Yeah, I just wanted to ask you something" I said and I walked in. "Oh yeah sure, have a sit" He gestured and I followed. 

"Congratulations once again big bro, you're about to become a father of two." I said with a smile. He let out a breath of relief. "Oh thanks. It's amazing, I'm so blessed and so happy. I just can't wait for the baby to get here." He smiled sincerely. 

"I can tell. I really respect how far you've came. Seeing you and Jane also changes my view and you guys give me a bit of hope. You two don't even know you inspire those around you" I said honestly. 

"Wow, I'm really glad we do. Well it's not always sunshine, but we try to love each other and support each other as much as we can. We take it a day at a time" He said thoughtfully while I nodded. 

"You said you wanted to ask a question" Liam said curiously. "Oh yeah, I did" I replied. "I just wanted to know. How did you know Jane was the one? What made you confirm she was the one you wanted forever with?" I asked.

"Wow, hmm, Let's see. There were many things that made me realize she was the one. I knew I was attracted to her from the first day I met her, but forever with her never crossed my mind then. I just found myself wanting her attention, something in me wanted to be close with her. I played silly games with her, but she helped me realize I wanted her when she voiced her mind at the beach house. I don't know, the way she left me speechless had me thinking about the things she said and answering the questions she asked. And it made me realize I've always wanted her. I knew I wanted her in my life, but I didn't know for how long. The way she was always there for me. The way she cared for me was sincere, and I was already crazy in love with her. Even though I didn't really know what I was doing I wanted her. I wanted to keep her to myself, I wanted to protect her, shower her with love. I wanted to proudly call her my wife, my love, and my everything. There were so many times she proved she was the one, and there were so many times I doubted myself. I thought she was too good for me. It took me a while to realize she was the one made for me." He paused to think. 

"I guess there is no right answer it all just depend on the way you feel, and what your heart is telling you. It's only you that can determine the person that you belong with. But it all doesn't happen at once, it's a process. You have to question yourself first and give yourself an honest answer, not the answers you want to hear or the answers you think someone would want to hear, but the answer that is real and honest. You have to know the difference between the love and the lust you have for the person. You have to know if those feelings are for the moment or for a long time even through the dark moments. I don't think there's anyone out there who could love me as Jane loves me. I don't consider myself lucky, but I consider myself blessed every time I wake up and she's next to me. Like I said it's not always beautiful, but we always try to remember our love for each other and how we can't be without each other." Liam explained.

"Damn... I'm glad you could love someone this much big bro, and I'm glad it's Jane. If I were a writer, I would definitely write a book about you and Jane." I said and he laughed. 

"Why did you ask? That was out of the blue" He asked. "I just wanted to asked. I was curious and I wanted to jot somethings down. Hoping I could find my own Jane" I smiled.

"I hope you find your own person" He smiled. "Thanks bro" I said. "Anytime" He replied. "We should get back to the party before Jane start looking for me. You can't really tell her mood these days and it scares me" Liam said standing up and I followed his action.

"Liam... I was looking for you" Jane said as soon as we got downstairs making Liam give me the 'I told you so look'. I laughed. 

"What happened?" Jane asked curiously. "Nothing sister-in-law , we were just talking about you." I answered and she turned around to look at her husband that was already beside her. 

"All good things. I was talking his ears off about how much I love you." Liam smiled at his wife. He held her waist and moved her closer to him obviously trying to seduce her. 

"And.. that's my cue, love you sister-in-law even though you can't hear me or anyone anymore" I said and I walked away from them.