CREAM OF THE CROP

Chapter 35

ARAW-araw gumigising ako na ang tanging layunin ay acads. Mas mabuti na rin siguro yun para ma-distract ako ng kaunti sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko. Tapos na ang quarterly exam pero hindi parin tapos ang cold war naming magkakaibigan. So the great pretender that I was, I managed not to make eye contact with them for the rest of the fight. But it doesn't mean I didn't miss then.

The previous weeks, we're busy preparing for the Speech Choir contest. And today's the day.

I was the one assigned to put eyeliner on our classmates. I didn't participate because... I dunno.

Para akong robot sa ginagawa ko hanggang sa si Desteen na ang susunod sa pila. I started getting nervous. How should I act? Should I act as if it's nothing? Oh, this is insane.

Her face was blank and so was mine. I started to put the thing on her and tried to keep my hands steady. Ayos na sana eh. Mukha na kaming walang problema pero si Hovi nag-umpisang mang-asar. She teased Desteen until she started cursing and ended up laughing. Hindi ko rin napigilang tumawa.

After the contest na pinanalo nila, we talked. Doon kami sa round na benches sa tree park so our faces are all very clear to one another.

Sa umpisa, walang gustong magsalita. Then after a few moments, Desteen faced me and asked, "Why?" Just one word but it meant a lot.

Bakit nga ba? Hindi ko rin alam eh. Bakit ako ganito?

I lowered my gaze. "Sorry," is all I managed to say.

"Gusto naming malaman kung bakit Avi. Why are you like that?" She took her time to find the right words to say. And finally, "Why are you so good in pushing people away?"

Bullseye. "Hindi ko rin alam eh," I said.

I heard them sigh.

"Ganyan ka lagi. Ayaw mong ilabas yang nararamdaman mo. The problem with you is bigla-bigla ka na lang hindi namamansin nang hindi namin alam kung saan kami nagkamali. Pag may problema ka huwag mong dinadamay ang buong mundo!" si Desteen. The truth weighed too much it prevented me from breathing easily.

"Anong hindi namamansin? It's you who did it first. The day before yesterday, I wasn't in the mood. At alam niyo naman na ganun ako kapag hindi okay, I tend to shut people out. Hindi ko kaya pinapansin kasi hindi niyo rin naman ako pinapansin," I argued calmly. But my insides are close to losing their shit.

"So is this all about revenge? Suklian, ganun? Walang gustong magcompromise?" si Madsen.

"I know I started it. I'm really sorry. Yes, I pushed you away and I didn't expect you to come crawling back to me. I prayed you would though. Because I don't think I'm brave enough to pull you guys back," I said with a shaky voice. Then there was a moment of silence.

"Why were you so down that day?" asked Sharisse.

I took a moment to decide if I should tell them or not. Baka isipin ang babaw. Ordinary people would say that. But hell, they're my friends. If there are people in this world who know me better than I know myself, it's them.

"Si Corbyn," I started. Medyo lumapit sila ng kaunti sa akin. Ang mga mata nila ay puno ng kuryosidad at antisipasyon. "This may sound shallow to you but-"

"Go on," said Hovi.

Kinuwento ko yung nangyari noong dinalhan niya ako ng pagkain hanggang sa lumabo ang usapan dahil sa ayaw niyang mag open up tungkol sa mama niya. Sinabi ko rin yung tungkol kay Tadhana, kung paano siya nahirapan kung alin ang pipiliin niya.

"Ewan ko. He's like a mystery box to me," I confessed.

"Baka may reason," suggested Sharisse.