Malec One Shots

13. Untouchable

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Song ~ Kristian Kostov - Beautiful Mess
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When Alec came home from the institute, he was used to meeting Magnus at the door and receiving a gentle kiss on the lips. He wasn't used to smashing and shouting coming from behind the door of the loft.

He was used to it now. He was used to the frantic knocking down of the loft door, running into the living room to see Magnus sat hunched on the sofa, hugging his knees. He knew there was nothing he could do. Magnus was unstable. Alec had no idea why, but if he even tried to get close he'd be choked, oxygen would simply dissipate and Alec would splutter and cough and try to grab at his neck in an attempt to breathe. When he stepped back it would be like normal, he'd be able to breathe, but Magnus would still be crying, his black nails scratching holes in his trousers.

When Magnus would let him, he'd bring him coffee, just how he liked it, with a biscuit or two on the side, and sit beside him. He'd take the warlock in his lap and hug him tight, letting him cry into his shirt and hold onto him like he'd never let go. Alec hated to see Magnus like this. It was a nightmare. It hurt to see the man he loved cry every night, not join him in bed, just sit there all night screaming at himself in languages Alec didn't understand or know existed.

In the mornings Alec would get up, and check on Magnus, to see him laid down on the sofa, uncomfortably strewn half on the furniture, half off. He looked more relaxed asleep than he did awake, which was considerably better. He'd walk over to him and move the still full coffee cup from the table, and the stale biscuits that had a few crumbs bit off. He'd kneel beside him, and smooth the hair from his face, wiping the dry tears and glitter and eyeliner and mascara smudges from below his eyes.

He'd wipe the black glittery residue on his jeans, and press butterfly kisses on Magnus' temple as he slept, before writing a note and leaving for the day. When he got home it'd all start again, having to break down the barred door to the loft and stand there as close to Magnus as he could get without being suffocated, waiting for him to notice and calm down. Alec had no idea what was wrong, and never told Isabelle, or Jace, or even Maryse. His and Magnus' matters were between them, and he wouldn't want to inflict his problems upon others. After all, he was the big brother, the silent carer, the stone hearted boy.

One night Alec had enough. He kicked down the door, ran at Magnus, choked and gasped as he stumbled forward, and pulled the warlock close to him, whispering into his ears as he got his breath back. "Magnus." He said. "Magnus, look at me." He said again. This time Magnus dared to look up at Alec. Alec felt a pang of pain in his heart. He couldn't handle this. Magnus had red rings around his eyes, and his skin was dry, his lips pale, almost white. His hair was messy, and he looked like death.

"Magnus, what's wrong?" Alec implored, placing his hands on either side of Magnus' pale face, tears slipping down his face. "You can't be here. Alec. Leave.." Magnus rushed, prising Alec's hands off of his face and pushing him off. "I think this is my fault. Im going to leave, Magnus. For a while. I'll come back in a few days." Alec ran a hand through his ragged hair, and looked at Magnus who was crying again, pulling his hair so hard Alec thought it was going to be pulled out.

He left after that, the door broken on the floor, rain beating down on the windows of the old building as Alec ran down the steps and out into the streets, feeling the sting as his skin was spiked with water. He bowed his head, and shouted at nothing. The streets were deserted, no cars, no people to hear him yell into the air. He found himself at the institute after walking from the Hunter's Moon. He was absolutely and utterly drunk.

He stumbled through the main door and fell to his knees. He saw, through the drunken haze, Jace pulling him to his feet. He was picked up and carried, placed down on a comfortable surface. "Alec. What's up with you?" Jace asked, sat beside Alec on the bed. "Hah.." Alec laughed, laying back so quick he slammed his head against the wooden headboard of the bed. He didn't even pay attention to the pain. "Magnus.. It's all my fault. Every time I walk in the door is barred and he's screaming and he suffocates me and he hates me I'm sure. There's nothing I can do, and I said I was leaving for a while, and I don't know if he's okay and I need to check up on him but I can't because he hates me and I love him so so much and there's nothing I can do." Alec rambled on, hugging a pillow from behind him.